My Favorite New Year's Resolutions

With 2015 reaching a close, I'm thinking about the New Year's Resolutions I'd like to make for 2016. With a new year comes new possibilities, and I'm looking forward to what the future will bring!

I've heard some negativity from people about making resolutions, and I'd like to address a few arguments here: 

Resolutions are pointless because they never stick.

Think of resolutions as goals to accomplish in the upcoming year. Why do we struggle to keep them? Part of it is because we often make very broad statements, such as "I'm going to go to the gym more" or "I'm going to lose weight" or "I'm going to spend less time watching TV". These are all great ideas, but they're not very specific. If you don't define how much more or less you want to do something, how can you possibly know if you're reaching that goal? 

Instead of setting big idealistic goals, get specific. If you want to go to the gym more, resolve to add 5 hours per week to your schedule devoted to that. It's specific, but it still allows you to be flexible and go when you can. Want to watch less TV? Decide to only spend X amount of hours watching your favorite shows each week, and think of other things you can resolve to do with your new found time. 

If we want to accomplish something, we should work towards something every day rather than making resolutions at the end of the year. 

This is a lovely idea, but do you stop each day and think about the goals you'd like to reach? I certainly don't! The end of the year gives us the opportunity to think back on our past accomplishments, and look ahead to the future. It's a solid marker for the beginning of a new chapter in our lives, which makes it an excellent time to reflect and set new goals.

No, it doesn't have to be on New Year's - it can be at any time during any year. But I do think it's important to take time out of our lives to contemplate these things, and make some changes where they're needed. 

Resolutions are unrealistic, and usually unattainable. 

Why are resolutions unrealistic? Is it because people decide on resolutions that are too difficult to attain, or because we don't have the will to tackle them? The first step is setting specific, measurable goals. The next step is making sure you're willing to put in the work to achieve them. 

For example: You want to get a promotion at work, but you also want to travel more. These are contradicting goals, as getting that promotion may mean putting in more time in the office - but travel will take you out of it. What goals are more important to you right now, and what are you willing to put in the effort to change? 

Even if you're great at keeping a resolution in the beginning, 6-months in, you've forgotten all about it. 

Hold yourself accountable! Tell friends and family about your resolution, and ask them to help keep you on track. Start a blog about it and share your thoughts, feelings, and struggles. Maybe even set a calendar reminder at the 6-month mark. If you want to make that resolution happen, it will take work! But having support from others and holding yourself accountable will help you stay motivated to keep going. 

I'll just be disappointed in myself if I don't keep my resolutions. 

First of all, don't EVER think of resolutions this way - you're setting yourself up for failure! If you've had trouble keeping resolutions in the past, just set one simple goal. That's it, just one. See how you do. 

Secondly, be forgiving of yourself. Resolutions, even simple ones, sometimes just don't happen. Don't beat yourself up about it. Reassess, and move forward. 

Thirdly, give it some time. It's not easy to create new habits, and you'll most likely slip up along the way. We all do! Just keep coming back to it, and remember why you made the resolution in the first place. It'll take time, but it'll be worth it. 

Photo by: Wes Butler

Here are some of my favorite New Year's Resolution ideas for the year 2016*: 

*these are not specific goals (an important part of making resolutions that I mentioned above). I kept them slightly more vague so that they could be a jumping-off point for your own ideas, and what you personally want to accomplish!

Stop drinking booze for a year! 

Well, duh. But seriously, it's been one of the best resolutions I've ever made. You don't have to do a full year, but a couple of weeks, a month, 3 months - any amount of time can make a huge difference in your life. I promise. 

Limit your phone usage time. 

Silence your phone 1-hour before bedtime. Put your phone away at dinner or when hanging out with friends. Limit the amount of time you spend playing around on apps. Resolving to do any number of these can be a valuable way to get back quality time with the things that truly matter. 

Decide to stop spending so much money on stuff you don't need. 

One person that inspires me every day is Anna from And Then We Saved. I highly encourage you to read her story! She decided to stop spending money on everything that was a non-essential for her, and paid off almost $24k of debt in 15 months. She learned a lot about herself, and about what she really needed in life in the process. 

I've mentioned these guys before, but The Minimalists are amazingly inspirational. They stopped spending money on stuff, and started seeing the world in a more simple, and more honest way. Their stories have made a huge impact on me.

Bike and walk more. 

We are WAY too dependent on our cars to get around. We sit in an office chair all day long, sit in our car to drive home, then sit on the couch to watch TV. Many, many studies have shown that our bodies do not respond well to being sedentary. 

If you're within 1 mile or so, allow a little extra time to get to your destination and walk it! Put in your headphones and listen to your favorite podcast along the way. If you're within 5 miles, hop on your bike! If you're new to biking, many cities offer bike safety classes for free (Denver has an amazing non-profit called The Bike Depot), and you can often find an inexpensive gently used cycle on Craigslist. You'll save money on gas, and get in more movement every day. It's a win-win!

Work towards doing something you've always wanted to do, but never have. 

Everyone has one of these, maybe even a few. Have you always wanted to try improv comedy? Learn how to cook? Learn how to speak Spanish? Dance the tango? Paint a sunset? Play the piano? There's no better time than now. And when you're on your death bed, you'll never have to think: "Dang, I wish I would have done that thing I always wanted to do."

I've emphasized this before, but just start with a small step. It'll get you going in the right direction. 

Learn to love yourself. 

This is a difficult one, but I believe very important. Working towards accepting and loving yourself for who you are - no matter what size you are, issues you have, or mistakes you've made - is a beautiful and honorable goal. 

Build better relationships. 

In whatever way this means to you. Whether it's through rebuilding your relationship with your parents or a sibling, or giving a friend your undivided attention when they need it  - it's wonderful to strengthen the ties between the people that you care about. 

Maybe even decide to be better about telling the people you love that you love them. Show them through your actions, and live it every day. You never know when they won't be with you anymore. 

Make your kindness constant. 

Whether it's spending time helping your community, or simply giving food to someone who needs it - it doesn't matter how big or how small. Be kind to people who serve you, and ring you up at the register. Smile. Let that car merge ahead of you in traffic. Be patient. Offer a hand even if you're not sure if someone needs it. Open a door for someone. When a friend is upset, offer a hug. Donate to a friend's cause - or a stranger's cause for that matter. Don't overthink it, just make kindness a priority in whatever way you can. 

What are your resolutions for 2016? Leave them in the comments below! 

Have a very happy holidays and a safe and exciting New Year! 

11 MONTHS DOWN - 1 month to go! HOLY CRAP.

Whoa, guys. Whoa. 

2015 is almost over. This just blows my mind, even without the whole not-drinking-alcohol-thing. This epic and beautiful year has nearly concluded! I'm sure that 2015 brought about some important changes for everyone. Whether we created the change or allowed it to happen, this year has helped develop something different within each of us. I think it's important to reflect on our lives from time to time and to evaluate where we are, and how far we've come. For me, the end of the year is a nice solid marker. I like the idea of rebirth, and the chance to start again. To make resolutions and changes, even if they're just wishful thinking. 

November was a month of readjusting to daily life from vacations, taking on some new work, meeting new people, dating, gettin' in some family time (over Thanksgiving), and learning - always, always learning. 

Clockwise: Enjoying coffee in Portland, working from home, enjoying the change in weather, gearing up my bike for winter riding, and finishing a Book Club book.

Things I've learned this month: 

This was a small step, but I have many other habits I need to work on. 

Drinking was a habit I needed to get control over again. I figured out a way to handle what life throws my way without booze, and that feels really great. But realizing that I've been able to get a handle on that one thing magnifies the other things I struggle with. 

I still get in my head about stuff, emotionally speaking. I still haven't figured out a way to have music in my life regularly - whether singing in a band or a choir, just on my own, or by learning piano again. 

I need to be forgiving of myself though, and I understand that. I'm not perfect, and I never will be. That's another thing I need to work on: being okay with making mistakes (to learn from them), or being okay if it's not quite time yet. I dove into this a little more in this previous post. 

I can't just cut out the emotional stuff, relationships, or my desires and dreams. It works fine for something like alcohol, but I can't just remove those things from my life to better understand them. I have to work through them as they come, which at times can feel more difficult. 

I'm gaining confidence in my ability to handle alcohol next year. 

As mentioned in last month's post, I've been a little nervous about starting up with the booze again. But I've been gaining confidence over the past month, and I feel more ready. 

I know that I can go out and not need a drink. I know that I can go to a bar with my friends all night without any alcohol and have an awesome time. I can be myself without alcohol giving me false-confidence. I can even deal with a horrible shitty day without it. I've proved it over and over to myself this year. 

I'm beginning feel more certain that I'll be able to handle it. And that's very comforting!

I wish that everyone would decide to make this kind of change, just to see what it can do.

It doesn't have to be cutting out something, it could be adding. Deciding that every day for an entire year, you'll exercise - even if it's just a 30 minute walk, or playing catch with the kids. Deciding to work every day on learning a new language, bettering your neighborhood, or playing an instrument. Making the choice to be more honest in your relationships, and practicing it every day. Learning how to garden, or how to reduce your carbon footprint. 

All change is hard at first. It's not something that comes easily. We struggle with it, we curse the wrench that's been thrown in the machine, and we long for the comfort in routine and regularity. We are angry when we realize we have a food allergy and have to change our diets. We are frustrated when our car gets wrecked and we have to figure out other ways to get around. But eventually we grow, and start creating new habits and routines. And then, when we're finally getting comfortable, the rug gets ripped out from under us all over again.

That is life, I guess: a constant ever-changing clusterfuck in which we have to savor every happy moment when they come. When something is going well in one area of our lives, it seems that another thing ends up going catastrophically bad. It's important be grateful for the good stuff when it's happening. The unexpected will always occur, and I can either decide to be destroyed by what gets thrown at me, or figure out a way to use it to my benefit. As an eternal optimist, even at my very darkest, I'll choose the latter. 

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Money saved in 11 months: Approximately $2,625.00

How I feel: Prepared. Melancholy. Wistful. Nervous. Realistic. Healthy.

Giving Thanks

I feel so lucky to have all that I have, and to live this beautiful life. Even with all the craziness at times, there is so much beauty in every day that sometimes I think I might burst. To put it simply, this life's pretty darn awesome. 

There are so many things that I'm grateful for, and this barely scrapes the surface. Nevertheless, here's my fun little list of things that I'm giving thanks for today:

- My parents, George and Kate.
- My sisters, Amber and Taryn. 
- My friends, and extended family.
- Bicycles. 
- Helmets. 
- Long and revealing conversations. 
- Those moments we can set aside our phones and enjoy each other's company.
- Sympathy. 
- Dance parties. 
- My wonderful, silly, fantastic co-workers.
- Lazy mornings. 
- Really delicious coffee. 
- Gravy.
- Sweet lingering kisses. 
- Warm blankets. 
- When a song hits me at the very time I need to hear those words. 
- The moment I finish reading an amazing book. 
- Supplements. 
- When a hug says it all. 
- Large hot water heaters. 
- Helpful neighbors. 
- Coconut oil. 
- Snow boots.
- Thoughtful gestures. 
- People who really listen. 
- People embracing (and sharing) their talents. 
- People who can put aside their own pain to help another. 
- Days off. 
- Shared meals. 
- Puppies. 
- Shoes I can stand in for hours that don't hurt my feet.
- Police officers, firemen and women, emergency room doctors, nurses, and anyone else working their butt off during the holidays. 
- Cookies. ALL THE COOKIES. 
- Home.
- All of my friend's beautiful little babies that were born this year. 
- Spotify.
- Laughter that makes me forget anything bad ever happened.
- Romance.
- Moisturizer. 
- Hope. 
- Movie nights. 
- Perfect comedic timing. 
- Brakes. 
- Zero degree sleeping bags. 
- Park naps on warm summer days. 

There's so much more that I could put on this list, but for right now that'll do just fine! I'm thankful every day that I have so many wonderful people (like you) in my life. Yes, there are terrible, awful things that happen in this world - but today, let's focus on the good stuff. 

Wishing you and your families all a wonderful and beautiful Thanksgiving! 

No car? No problem!

As some of you already know, towards the end of last year, my Hyundai Santa Fe was rear-ended by a distracted driver and totaled. With the money I got for the car, I purchased a Volkswagon GTI that I absolutely loved. Even after all the repairs and quirks, I loved driving that little car. 

But alas, this world of distracted drivers screwed me all over again! 

Last month, a driver pulled out the wrong way down a one-way street and hit my GTI head-on. We were both totally fine, but yet again, my car was totaled. 

Therefore, in an effort to continue to live more minimally, and to see what it's like to go without things in order to better understand what I truly need, I've decided to go without a car!

Yes, I know winter is almost upon us. Colorado winters, although with more sunshine than the Ohio winters of my youth, can still be pretty brutal. I didn't say it would be easy. But as I learned when I went without a coffeemaker, and then Netflix, it could be something that will benefit me in unexpected ways. 

I also used some of the money I got from my car to buy this: 

It's a Yuba Cargo Bike, and it can carry up to 400 POUNDS on the back. I doubt I'll be riding around with a small rhinoceros anytime soon, but it's good to know what this super bike is capable of. The wheels are thicker and better with water and slush than my road bike, I'll be riding more upright which is more comfortable when wearing a winter coat, and it's SUCH A PRETTY COLOR RED! Apparently, this is considered the SUV of the bike world, so it should be able to handle the weather pretty well. Now I'm wondering if I will be able to do the same!

Usually the moment I see snow falling, I retire my bike for the winter. Now, I'll have no choice but to bundle up and start pedaling. Well, I could also walk, take the bus, an Uber, or a Car 2 Go. I'm certainly not without my options. The question is this: Do I really NEED my own car? 

Sure it gave me freedom, and the ability to get anywhere at anytime. I'll miss those things. This will definitely be a challenge for me, and I'm sure will be frustrating at times, especially at first. Even just getting down to my parent's house for a visit (with a car, a short 40-minute drive away) will not be easy.  

But do you know what else was difficult and frustrating at first? Not drinking alcohol for a year. And look how much I've learned! 

So goodbye, car! Winter - BRING IT ON. 

10 months down, 2 more left!

I feel like I've been saying this a lot lately, but October just FLEW by for me. With all the traveling (to Santa Fe, then to Portland with Amber), lots of busy busy work, and Halloween - I can't believe that November and the holidays are almost upon us! 

Our trip to Santa Fe was amazing - it was wonderful to have so many friends in one huge house. We got 15 people together to make the 6+ hour drive, and it was an absolute blast. We biked around town, shared some delicious meals, soaked in the hot tub, had a dance party, and I even got to see the huge Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta (one of the coolest parts of the trip). 

Me at the Hot Air Balloon Fiesta! The excitement is real, folks!!

My friend Lauren and I drove back together, and decided to take the scenic route home for prettier views of the mountains. It was worth it. There was one point in the drive that I took over, and Lauren napped a bit in the passenger seat. 

It was a long stretch of straight highway, flanked by a desert landscape and beautiful rolling mountains on both sides. I accidentally startled Lauren awake when I had Adele playing on my iPod (she can surprise you with those high notes), so I changed to some old-school Ben Folds. I forgot how much I enjoy his piano-playing-awesomeness! I had a good amount of time to just zone out, and think about stuff. 

That's a big wide stretch of road, folks.

I thought about a lot of things. I thought about who I am now, and who I was before. I saw different versions of myself, all lined up like pages in a flip-book. My different styles and haircuts. Friend groups, apartments, hobbies - my interests, boyfriends, loves, frustrations, and tears. I even thought I glimpsed my future at one point, but it was gone in an instant. 

By the time Lauren woke up, I hadn't figured anything out. I didn't come to some grand conclusion or understanding about my life or where I am now. But I felt good. I felt happy. I'm certainly not where I thought I'd be, but that's not important. What's important is that I'm happy. Right here, right now. 

Then Lauren asked me a beautiful question: "What are you looking forward to this week?"

And I realized: I'm looking forward to a lot of things. In that moment, I felt very grateful.

Things I've learned this month: 

I'm a little nervous about starting up with the booze again.

I would hope that throughout this whole thing that I've learned to control my drinking habits, but I'll only truly know when I start it all up again. And that makes me nervous. 

It's not that I don't trust myself to have willpower - clearly I have that! But as I've found with this little experiment, it's much easier for me to abstain from something entirely rather than do it in moderation. I struggle with that, and it always seems to be a slippery slope. 

So yes, I'm a little nervous about drinking again. I don't want to overdo it, and I don't want to end up where I was before - NEEDING that drink when I got home from work, or overindulging almost every weekend. 

I've voiced this concern to some friends already, and so far they have a lot more faith in me than I have in myself. I guess I'll just have to trust that they're right! 

Drunk people - UGH!

I've mentioned this in previous posts, but being out at the bars when everyone else is completely hammered can be truly difficult when you're sober. It seems that the only people that want to talk to me are the people that have already been drinking for a long, long time. Although I never seemed to mind when I was a little schnockered myself, it's extra annoying right now to have someone unable to form cohesive sentences trying to start a conversation with me. Ugh. 

My choices are impacting others. 

I think it's SO COOL to hear that people are inspired by what I've done this year. It means so much to me! Hearing someone say that they've made a change because of something I wrote about, or that they're inspired to drink less, or interested in taking a break from alcohol themselves - that thrills me through and through. 

The fact that a choice that I made for myself is impacting others truly shows me the ripple of life. The choices we make every day, the people we choose to spend time with, the activities we do, the energy we put out into the world - we make an impact with everything. The choice of whether or not we touch lives in a positive, or a negative way - that's up to each of us!

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Money saved in 10 months: Approximately $2,322.00

Weight: Don't care! NOPE!

How I feel: Excited. Hesitant. Hopeful. Radiant. 

9 months down, 3 left to go!

September was quite the whirlwind for me, and I can't believe how quickly it flew by. Shoot - we're already halfway through October for cryin' out loud! I know I keep saying it, but this year has been pretty darn amazing. I feel like I've learned SO MUCH, and I just want to keep on learning. 

This was my first month officially on-my-own with my freelance career, and I'm loving it. I work longer hours on the days when I have time, and take a little more time off on other days (when I can). I truly enjoy what I'm doing now too - I love my co-workers at the cafe (where I work part-time), and the constant socialization. I really enjoy the freelance work as well, since all of my projects have allowed me to be creative. I realize now that's something I've been craving in my work for a long time. 

My beautiful friends at the cafe! From left to right: Jeana, Mona, and Sienna. Not pictured: Ian and Wolfgang (those crazy boys). Latte art by Ian!

Summer seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye, and now fall (my favorite season) is beginning. The days are getting shorter, and I enjoy feeling the brisk air on my face as I bike to my cafe job in the mornings. It's a lovely change, and I look forward to what the new season will bring.

I have been thinking about what I've learned this month without having alcohol in my life:

I'm more hydrated.

This may seem obvious, but it's something I forget about all the time! Since I'm not drinking booze, I'm drinking either water or a fizzy water-based drink. All hydration, all the time!

I'm ready to start drinking again. 

I know I've come so far this year, and I'm so happy about the changes that have come from abstaining from alcohol. But I'm looking forward to having a drink again. I certainly don't plan to go crazy on January 1st, 2016 - but I look forward to having wine with dinner, or toasting a locally-brewed beer with friends. I hope that this year will make it easier for me to take time off from drinking in the future, and help me with moderation. 

I feel all the things, still mess up (even without alcohol), and that's okay. 

There was a point in this journey where I naively thought I could never do wrong, as long as alcohol was no longer clouding my judgement. But it just ain't true. I still screw up, and I still get frustrated about certain decisions I make in my life. I text people I shouldn't when I'm feeling blue (although I'm better at resisting), and I make some silly decisions when out partying late at night. 

Cutting out the alcohol doesn't guarantee that we'll make the best decisions in our lives. Some desires are still there, and I feel strong emotions. If anything, I probably feel everything more than I did before, and with greater clarity. My next step is to be forgiving of those choices. I won't always do the "right" thing all the time. There will always be those moments when I go with my heart rather than my head, even when it's probably best to listen to the latter. With or without alcohol - I am who I am: an emotional being with a constant jumble of emotions, and a big fucking sugar-coated daydreaming heart. And you know what? I'm okay with that. In fact, I am pretty sure I've reached the point in my life where I can love myself for that. And that's pretty damn awesome. 

Part of me is holding back. 

There's a reason why booze is called "liquid courage" - it takes away the voice of reason and replaces it with "I can and should do anything I want, right now!" As I mentioned above, it's still possible to make those carefree decisions without booze. But there's a bigger urge that holds me back. Lately I've been asking myself: are there things I wanted to say this year that I didn't say because I was never drunk? 

Think about those times when you're with your friends and you drunkenly tell them how much you love them. That guy you've always liked? You confess that you have feelings for him. You tell the world that you feel ALL THE THINGS and that they should feel them with you. I believe that when a little tipsy, we become a more honest version of ourselves. So there is a part of me that wonders if I've been holding back a bit, and I'm pretty sure that I have. I don't think it's a bad thing, but it's certainly interesting to think about.

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I hope you'll consider joining me in my last (less than) 3 months left of sobriety! Click here to sign up for my No Drinking Challenge, and let's toast on New Year's Eve! 

Money saved in 9 months: Approximately $2,056.00

Weight: Not a clue. But I did put on a size 4 pant the other day, which made my jaw drop. That could be from all the biking to/from work though. :)

How I feel: Contemplative. Content. Blissful. Fulfilled. Happy, happy, happy.

My No Drinking Challenge!

As you've noticed, I've learned a lot in my year without alcohol. 

Feel like you need a change too? Give it a shot! (No pun intended.)

You don't have to toss the hooch for an entire year like I did, but there are plenty of reasons to give up alcohol for a little while. Here are some of my favorites: 

• You'll save money. 
• You won't drunk-text people. 
• Your health will improve. 
• You may find it easier to sleep at night, or wake up in the morning. 
• You won't have to worry about getting home safely at night. 
• You'll be able to hold conversations at parties much more easily. 
• You won't slosh your drink on the dance floor. 
• You'll have more energy. 
• You may find more interesting ways to spend your time.
• You won't have hangovers.

Whether you're getting off the sauce for a week, a month, three months, a year, or forever, sign your pledge in the comments below! Write how long you're going to give it up, and your reasons for doing so. It'll help hold you accountable in reaching your goals, and the online community can help provide support! 

Even better, post your progress and results on my Facebook Fan Page! 

Best of luck! 

Trying not to judge...

I've recently started a new job at a shared workspace in downtown Denver. A lot of start-ups collaborate there, bring in their adorable dogs, and have meetings while sitting on couches from Ikea. I however, am not a part of a design firm, or hip new software company. I work part time making sandwiches and coffee drinks at the on-site cafe. 

I actually kind of love it! The people I work with are great, and so easygoing. The people I meet and serve every day are around my age, and always up for some chit-chat before returning to their desks. I love that I can commute by bike (that makes me SO happy), and the stress of the job is pretty low. Surprisingly my pay is comparable to what I made at my last corporate job, and although it's less hours I've already made some contacts networking for freelance jobs with some of our customers.  I also have found that I truly enjoy making pretty sandwiches and salads for people! 

I have also noticed that there are a number of attractive young men that work in this office building. They're all very stylish, well-spoken, smart, and interesting. And yet, I wonder: 

Now that I'm the person that serves them, do they see me differently?

Maybe in an office setting or at a popular post-work happy hour spot, they would look at me as an equal. They'd see that I'm dressed in a similar fashion, and that I'm bright and interesting too. But their first impression of me is while I'm waiting on them, and doing a job that could be considered more low class. Their initial reaction could be to think that I'm uneducated, or that there's something wrong with me for not being able to get a "better" job than service industry. They may think that I've been fired a lot. They may think that I can't take care of myself. If these guys got to know me, they'd see that I made this choice on purpose, and that I'm more happy now than I've been in a long time. 

Obviously I'm making judgments about them judging me, and I know that. But it's not TOO far of a stretch to believe that we place judgement on people based on their jobs. 

A funny thing happened the other day, just as I was thinking about all of this. I went to drop off some dishes to the dishwasher that works for us, and when I was handing him the plates I realized he was very attractive. I immediately thought: But he's just a dishwasher!

I couldn't believe it!! I was making the same judgement about HIM that I thought the guys at the office building were making about ME. It was an automatic reaction, and it saddened me. For all I know, he could have been a former CEO that realized he hated the stress, loved doing a mindless job where he could rock out to music and forget about when he got home. He could be washing dishes to pay his way through school. He could be doing it simply because it pays the bills, and he finds his passions elsewhere. He could also be lazy or unmotivated - of course it swings both ways. Whatever the reason, I should not have judged him. 

The truth is, it's hard to not judge someone when you first meet them.

This video is more about judging a woman for her looks, but it is a similar concept. I just love the clip!

We all judge. It's practically impossible not to. For some reason, we've been hard-wired to start forming opinions about people the moment we see them. I'm sure it was initially for survival reasons, but times have changed. Social circumstances are different than they used to be. People are working different kinds of jobs, and have the ability to choose their careers and the paths they take in their lives. It's a different world. 

I have always disliked that question you get soon after meeting someone: "What do you do?" - which usually translates to: "So what do you do for money?" I've recently changed it to asking: "What makes you happy?" or "What do you do in your free time?" or if I do ask "What do you do for work?" I immediately ask "Does it make you happy?" or "Do you like what you do?" It may put them on the spot, but it makes for some interesting conversation. It also opens the door for them to talk about their true passions in life, or maybe even question themselves.

This also helps clear away any initial judgments we may have made about each other, and opens up the opportunity to truly get to know another person. 

I'm going to work harder to get to know people first, and be aware of judgments when they sneak up. I want to talk to people, and understand why they do what they do, and who they really are. Another lesson learned!

Making / Forcing / Letting

I came to some realizations over the weekend that I wanted to share with you:

There are differences between making something happen / forcing it to happen / and letting it happen. 

I will explain: 

Making something happen. 

This scenario is for when an opportunity presents itself, and it's time to grab it. Notice, I didn't say that you created the opportunity yourself (I'll get into that later in "forcing"), but the opportunity arises, and you move forward with putting it to good use. 

This can be used when finding a new job, or a accepting a new position that opens up - or if a friend offers you a concert ticket on a night that you're free, or if someone you're not sure about just yet asks you on a date and you say "yes". You're seeing an opportunity, not sure what the future will bring, but not shying away from it or making an excuse. You're embracing the challenge or experience, and making it a part of your life. 

Forcing something to happen. 

This is when you have to take charge. You need to make a decision to get out of a bad situation, or to open up your time to make something better happen down the road. 

This decision can be helpful when making career changes, or with leaving toxic relationships. It should not be used to try and force a relationship to happen, or to initiate change when it's not ready to happen. Yes, change and growth is important - but it's up to you to asses when it's appropriate to force the change, and when you need to step back and accept that it could simply not be the right time. Take a moment to reflect on the situation and ask yourself, "Why am I trying so hard to force this to happen? Is it truly benefiting me, or distracting me from my other goals?"

Making something happen is different, as you seize the opportunity to walk a path that has already been laid - not cutting down trees to forage your own path. There's a difference between making additional and possibly unnecessary work for yourself (forcing), and taking a turn down a path less traveled (making). 

Letting it happen.

This is the most passive choice of the three, but also a very important one. This also involves not forcing a change, but choosing to go with the flow and let chance take over. Sometimes just choosing to live your life in a way that makes you happy and not worrying about pushing any results can bring fulfillment that you didn't expect. 

Whether you have to make it happen, force it to happen, or simply sit back and let it happen - understanding your motivation is the first step. 

Small Steps

There are many times people think about what they want to do with their lives, and see the change as something impossible. They see the mountain in front of them, understand how long it will take to get to the top, and get so discouraged that they don't even get started. 

Although it'd be lovely to be able to just leap to the top like Superman, climbing to the top of that mountain takes a series of small steps. But first, you have to make the decision to move forward. 

We won't all get to the top our first try, and that's okay. The important part is that we decided to take a step, and then actually did it. The path will still be there tomorrow, when we're ready to give it another shot. 

If you're always looking at the entire mountain, or the ultimate goal you're trying to reach, it will overwhelm you. Instead, look at the small steps you need to take to get there and make attainable goals to work towards reaching each day. Write them down and cross them off as you accomplish them. Then one day, you'll look back and realize you're halfway there. The top is in sight. And soon, you'll be in the home stretch!

Trust me, the view is great from up here! 

What small steps are you taking today to get closer to your goal?