I feel like I've been saying this a lot lately, but October just FLEW by for me. With all the traveling (to Santa Fe, then to Portland with Amber), lots of busy busy work, and Halloween - I can't believe that November and the holidays are almost upon us!
Our trip to Santa Fe was amazing - it was wonderful to have so many friends in one huge house. We got 15 people together to make the 6+ hour drive, and it was an absolute blast. We biked around town, shared some delicious meals, soaked in the hot tub, had a dance party, and I even got to see the huge Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta (one of the coolest parts of the trip).
My friend Lauren and I drove back together, and decided to take the scenic route home for prettier views of the mountains. It was worth it. There was one point in the drive that I took over, and Lauren napped a bit in the passenger seat.
It was a long stretch of straight highway, flanked by a desert landscape and beautiful rolling mountains on both sides. I accidentally startled Lauren awake when I had Adele playing on my iPod (she can surprise you with those high notes), so I changed to some old-school Ben Folds. I forgot how much I enjoy his piano-playing-awesomeness! I had a good amount of time to just zone out, and think about stuff.
I thought about a lot of things. I thought about who I am now, and who I was before. I saw different versions of myself, all lined up like pages in a flip-book. My different styles and haircuts. Friend groups, apartments, hobbies - my interests, boyfriends, loves, frustrations, and tears. I even thought I glimpsed my future at one point, but it was gone in an instant.
By the time Lauren woke up, I hadn't figured anything out. I didn't come to some grand conclusion or understanding about my life or where I am now. But I felt good. I felt happy. I'm certainly not where I thought I'd be, but that's not important. What's important is that I'm happy. Right here, right now.
Then Lauren asked me a beautiful question: "What are you looking forward to this week?"
And I realized: I'm looking forward to a lot of things. In that moment, I felt very grateful.
Things I've learned this month:
I'm a little nervous about starting up with the booze again.
I would hope that throughout this whole thing that I've learned to control my drinking habits, but I'll only truly know when I start it all up again. And that makes me nervous.
It's not that I don't trust myself to have willpower - clearly I have that! But as I've found with this little experiment, it's much easier for me to abstain from something entirely rather than do it in moderation. I struggle with that, and it always seems to be a slippery slope.
So yes, I'm a little nervous about drinking again. I don't want to overdo it, and I don't want to end up where I was before - NEEDING that drink when I got home from work, or overindulging almost every weekend.
I've voiced this concern to some friends already, and so far they have a lot more faith in me than I have in myself. I guess I'll just have to trust that they're right!
Drunk people - UGH!
I've mentioned this in previous posts, but being out at the bars when everyone else is completely hammered can be truly difficult when you're sober. It seems that the only people that want to talk to me are the people that have already been drinking for a long, long time. Although I never seemed to mind when I was a little schnockered myself, it's extra annoying right now to have someone unable to form cohesive sentences trying to start a conversation with me. Ugh.
My choices are impacting others.
I think it's SO COOL to hear that people are inspired by what I've done this year. It means so much to me! Hearing someone say that they've made a change because of something I wrote about, or that they're inspired to drink less, or interested in taking a break from alcohol themselves - that thrills me through and through.
The fact that a choice that I made for myself is impacting others truly shows me the ripple of life. The choices we make every day, the people we choose to spend time with, the activities we do, the energy we put out into the world - we make an impact with everything. The choice of whether or not we touch lives in a positive, or a negative way - that's up to each of us!
Money saved in 10 months: Approximately $2,322.00
Weight: Don't care! NOPE!
How I feel: Excited. Hesitant. Hopeful. Radiant.