35 things I've learned in 35 years

I turned 35 on Friday, and it was AWESOME. I got to spend time with some of my most favorite people on the planet, laughed a LOT, and got to celebrate in one of my favorite ways: by being as ridiculous as possible. 

Nothing says "adult" like going to a thrift store, and picking out the outfits that everyone else has to wear the rest of the night!

Quality daytime fun with mom and dad on my birthday!

Over the past few years I've been making lists of some of the best lessons I've learned in my time on earth so far. I usually try and come up with different things every year, but looking back I've realized that some of these lessons I've had to learn over again. It's a nice reminder, as sometimes it takes a couple of repeats before they actually stick. 

This year, I've compiled my list of some of my past favorites, but also included some new ones. I'm so grateful for all that I've learned, but also looking forward to the adventures ahead. 

35 Things I've Learned in 35 Years

In no particular order: 

1. Giving blood should be something we do regularly, if we are able. It saves lives!
2. If we focus on doing things that make us feel better (eating well, exercising, reducing stress) rather than the number on the scale, we'll be a lot better off. 
3. It is possible to have a lot of fun without alcohol. 
4. As a woman, I need to remember to apologize less. 
5. It's better to be a patient driver, and get there safely. 
6. Going an entire evening, or even an entire vacation without snapping a single photo is a wonderful thing. It's sometimes nice to just experience life rather than try to capture it. 
7. The people we meet in our lives are there for a reason. It may not be the reason we originally thought, but they're still there to teach us something. 
8. Never miss out on an opportunity for an impromptu dance party. 
9. If you keep telling yourself you can't do something, make sure you aren't saying you can't simply because you won't.
10. Find a job that you enjoy, no matter how long it takes. 
11. Education doesn't end after school, and we should be constantly open to learning new things. 
12. We all need to eat a lot more vegetables. 
13. It's okay to pick a place to eat without reading a review, knowing anything about the restaurant, or checking out the menu first. Just wing it. 
14. See the potential in things. Whether it’s a person, a situation, or an ugly piece of furniture. 
15. Being an "adult" sucks sometimes. But now that I'm an "adult" I get to decide what that means to me. 
16. It's okay to feel all the feels. It hurt sometimes, but it's better to feel the pain than to go through life with big walls built up around you. 
17. Follow through on your commitments. Yes, sometimes things come up, illnesses occur, and plans have to be canceled. But don't be the person that can be depended on to flake out. 
18. Sunscreen. Love it, wear it, make it your friend!
19. Drinking shots usually causes regretful decisions, feeling like crap, and treating others poorly. Just say NO. 
20. Forgiveness is powerful. Holding a grudge only hurts yourself. 
21. Loosing your job, wrecking your car, getting dumped - they all have a silver lining. See life's disappointments as a jumping off point to something a little more awesome. 
22. It doesn't matter what you do, it's who you're with that matters. 
23. Selfies should be taken as frequently as fast food meals. In moderation!
24. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it does help with experiencing certain aspects of life. I want to spend money on making those experiences happen, not on material possessions. However, I don't want lack of money to hold me back from saying "yes" to experiencing things in my life. 
25. Every now and then, with no guilt, order dessert. Enjoy the heck out of it. 
26. Don't be afraid to be silly.
27. Take time to reflect on the memories you had with those who have passed on. 
28. Sometimes you make big plans that just don’t workout. Have a good cry, let it go, and move on. 
29. Just because you're having a rough day, it doesn't mean you have to make it rough for everyone else. 
30. Practice kindness constantly. 
31. When you're laughing with friends, savoring that piece of pie, reaching the end of a difficult hike, or celebrating your team's win, take a moment and acknowledge that feeling of happiness. Tuck it inside your heart for when you're feeling blue. 
32. The best friends are the ones that understand before you even start explaining how you feel.
33. It’s okay to be frustrated with yourself. Just remember to forgive yourself after that.
34. Tell the people you love that you love them. Your friends, your family, your boyfriend or girlfriend.  If you can say you “love” your iPhone, you can say you love actual real people. It’s what truly matters, and it’s a wonderful thing to share.  Don’t ever be afraid of that. 
35. No matter what I’ve been through, or how much time it takes, I know that an amazing love is out there for me. And it'll come when it's supposed to. 

And there it is! 

I've learned so much more than just those 35 things, but those are some big ones. I am constantly working towards making positive changes, and appreciate all of the wonderfully supportive friends and all of my family that have helped me along the way. There is an endless number of possibilities in this beautiful life. 

What have you learned this year? 

Time

Lately I've been thinking about time, and how I decide to use it / spend it / waste it / make the most of it.

Time is something we tend to both cherish and take for granted. People spend time in the office to make money for their children that they never get to spend time with. People spend hours at home online trying to find love, then cancel plans because they don't want to make the time in real life to actually leave the house to go out on dates. 

Time moves slowly when we're unhappy, it moves so quickly when we're happy. It moves slowly when we're bored, it moves quickly when we're busy. We're constantly trying to freeze, capture, and preserve it - and yet not enjoying time in the moment we have it. 

Snow day - a winter walk to nowhere. From Instagram.

I'm turning 35 next week, which has definitely been a reason for these thoughts. Sometimes I forget how quickly time is passing until my next birthday approaches. I'll see a post about a friend's baby who's now walking (wasn't that kid just born!?), or I have a memory about that last apartment I lived in (was that really 4 years ago?), and realize how much the swift passing of time surprises me.  

My freelance work is constantly fluctuating, and when I find myself with unscheduled free-time on my hands I am unsure what to do with myself. Sure, there are plenty of things I could or should be doing, and plenty of things I want to do but shouldn't be doing. Sometimes I just dwell on the unknown and feel upset with how little I'm contributing to the world, then put in another movie or read another chapter in my book club book. 

I should embrace this open schedule while it's here, because there will inevitably come a time where I don't have it anymore. When I'm so crazed and distracted and busy that finding the time to slow down and crack open a book or write a blog post seems like a blissful vacation. 

I feel that with such little time on this earth, I should be spending every moment creating / growing / learning / loving. If I'm not doing any number of those things, I feel guilty. I'm failing myself in some way. I crawl into bed, unsure of what I truly accomplished that day besides getting groceries, or finally washing all of my dishes. I lay awake thinking: REALLY, Beth? That's the best you could do? 

Now, there's nothing wrong with relaxing, having some time to myself, or just sitting and comfortably enjoying some peace. I'm sure that our ancestors did it a lot more than we do now, especially in a world of constant stress and distractions. But when thinking about time, and how quickly it passes - it makes me pause to think about what I'm doing with mine. 

A lazy morning breakfast, with cartoons. From Instagram.

I remember thinking that taking a year off from booze would be the longest year of my life. But nope - it's already over! And now that I've realized how much of a blip a year is in my existence, I want to see what else I can do with another year. What's next? How else can I change my life? What else can I do to create / grow / learn / love?? 

And the cycle begins again.

We've all felt that anxiety. That thought that we're not doing enough. That we haven't accomplished enough in a day, week, month. We get such high expectations for what we think we're supposed to do with our time and our lives, because we believe that others are accomplishing so much more! But what about just being? What about existing, breathing in the air, sleeping in, laying on your back and watching the clouds pass, and simply enjoying solitude? Those things enrich our lives too. 

From Instagram

Yes, we should embrace the time we have and use it as much as we possibly can. However, part of that is just enjoying that we're here. That we have a chance to live, exist, love, learn, create - in whatever time frame that may be. I may feel the need to do ALL THE THINGS and do them RIGHT NOW, but stressing out about that doesn't accomplish anything. 

This post was my way of figuring out what to do with my time, and I think I spent it wisely. I'm feeling better already. 

Facing Fears

For Book Club this month we're reading "My Year With Eleanor: A Memoir" by Noelle Hancock. It's about a girl who was laid off from her job, and realized that she needed to make some big changes. Inspired by something Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "Do one thing that scares you every day", she went on a year-long quest to do just that. She decided that for one year, she'd do something she feared each day. 

This may sound like quite an endeavor, but I guess I kinda did something similar myself! There's definitely value that can be found in making these kinds of decisions each day. The trick is identifying when (and why) you're holding back, then actually make the choice to move forward and actually do it. 

Last year, I did quite a few things that scared the crap out of me. Remember when I had to overcome my fear of drowning while on a whitewater kayaking trip? Definitely one of the highlights! Another was understanding how to deal with the daily struggles of life without booze (a repeat battle throughout the year). Oh yeah, and I dove right in to starting my own freelance career!

While reading this book, I started thinking about all of the times I've decided to take a risk. Those moments have always lead to something memorable happening. It may have been something positive, or it may have led me to a lesson that I needed to learn - but either way, there have consistently been interesting results.

My little sister reminded me the other day of when in September 2012 that we (along with our awesomely brave friend Megan) shaved our heads to raise money for St. Baldrick's Foundation. 

Getting all that hair shaved right off! On stage! With a band! 

I love this photo of Taryn and me a little too much. (Before + After)

The scary part wasn't going up on stage, or even the act of getting all of my hair shaved off in front of a bunch of strangers in a bar. The scary part was dealing with all the thoughts swimming in my head: Would I still feel beautiful without my hair? Would people judge me? Would I still be able to walk around without hair with confidence? What will people think? 

I feel that I have a lot of confidence in myself. I love who I am, but it took me a long time to get here. I still struggle at times (I'm human!), but this scary little choice definitely shook me though. So I found a way to get the power back. I had my friend Dave Wood take some glamour shots to remind me of everything I may have forgotten. 

Yep, that's me! No frills, no hair, no problem. 

Seeing the images from that photo shoot helped me remember that I AM beautiful, and I don't need hair to prove it. 

I learned SO MUCH about myself by making this decision. I learned what it's like to let go of that aspect of beauty, and truly embrace the face and body I was given. I learned how awesome it is to have 15 extra minutes in the morning that's not spent on hair styling. I learned how knit hats can stick on like Velcro. I learned that hair really isn't that big of a deal - and it always grows back. 

In New York City, a few months after the head-shaving. The hair was growing back!

Maybe it's a good metaphor for life: No matter how much we are hurt, or how much damage has been done, or how much hair has been cut off - time will always march forward. Scar tissue forms over the wounds. People make us laugh again. Things do grow back. 

This is one of my favorite quotes that Noelle Hancock used in My Life with Eleanor. It's a bit dramatic for the head shaving business, but it's more about overcoming our fears, and I like it very much:

“The encouraging thing is that every time you meet a situation, though you may think at the time it is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it you find that forever after you are freer than you ever were before....You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

So my advice to you is to go forth, and take those risks! Do things that scare you. Learn all that you can in the little time we have on this earth. Talk to that boy you think is cute, sign up for that kickboxing class, go back to school, quit your job, go skydiving, kayaking, rollerskating.

HAVE FUN, scare yourself a little, and make stories to tell!

A New Year | Remembering

Well, I'm 2-weeks into the New Year (2016), and yep, I've been drinking again! 

No, I haven't thrown everything I learned last year out the window! But I have been enjoying some of my old favorite alcoholic beverages. I've found that I've been able to be a little more responsible when drinking - well, as much as you can be when you're inebriated. I usually stop before I have too many, I'm always sure to drink a lot of water throughout the night, and I have been very adamant about saying NO to shots. Always, always, say "no" to shots. 

A nice new part about coming back to booze is that I don't feel the desire to drink as often as I used to. I can come home and not even think about having alcohol, even though I could if I wanted to. I don't NEED it in order to wind down at the end of the day, and I so far I don't feel that craving. Even though I've started it up again, I've still been able to maintain that feeling of freedom. 

On another note, here's something I've been thinking about lately: 

How we remember things.

My friend Sienna and I were driving home from work today, and we started talking about memories. We discussed how interesting it is that we don't just remember a situation or person - we can recall smells, feelings, tastes, and so much more. There is such depth that our brains can retain from the experiences we've had in our lives. 

I was thinking about my Grandma Ann that passed away a couple of years ago. I remember the most random things about spending time with her as a child. The ugly shag carpet in her home that was spotted beige, brown, and orange - and the way that it always had a musty-sweet smell. The old records we'd dance around to in her living room. Her making us grilled cheese sandwiches on white bread with Velveeta cheese and tons of butter. Warm summer nights catching lightning bugs in her backyard. Sitting on her back porch with a bowl full of green beans in each of our laps, and snapping off the ends. Playing with an old wooden rocking horse in her basement because there was nothing else to play with. Being frightened of the spider webs that were in her sewing room. The way that she would laugh, even if she didn't get the joke. Those strange mincemeat pies she'd make at Christmastime. How she always smelled like baby powder, which she put on every morning after her shower. Her letting us wear all of her jewelry, including her clip-on earrings (she'd never had her ears pierced). How soft she was when she hugged us and rocked us in her lap when we cried. 

Not the best photo, but one of my favorite memories. We took her to Pawley's Island in South Carolina! Me, grandma, and my mom.

We all collect these little moments in our heads, and it takes opening the door to really remember them again. We store away so much, as it's not necessary in our daily lives to access that information every day. Therefore I think it's important to sit down and wander around in those rooms where we store these kinds of memories. Remembering the people that we loved in our lives is a way that they can live on forever. 

So today, my first post of 2016, is for my Grandma Ann. I'm sure she's giggling in heaven right now, especially now that she finally gets all the jokes. 

My Favorite New Year's Resolutions

With 2015 reaching a close, I'm thinking about the New Year's Resolutions I'd like to make for 2016. With a new year comes new possibilities, and I'm looking forward to what the future will bring!

I've heard some negativity from people about making resolutions, and I'd like to address a few arguments here: 

Resolutions are pointless because they never stick.

Think of resolutions as goals to accomplish in the upcoming year. Why do we struggle to keep them? Part of it is because we often make very broad statements, such as "I'm going to go to the gym more" or "I'm going to lose weight" or "I'm going to spend less time watching TV". These are all great ideas, but they're not very specific. If you don't define how much more or less you want to do something, how can you possibly know if you're reaching that goal? 

Instead of setting big idealistic goals, get specific. If you want to go to the gym more, resolve to add 5 hours per week to your schedule devoted to that. It's specific, but it still allows you to be flexible and go when you can. Want to watch less TV? Decide to only spend X amount of hours watching your favorite shows each week, and think of other things you can resolve to do with your new found time. 

If we want to accomplish something, we should work towards something every day rather than making resolutions at the end of the year. 

This is a lovely idea, but do you stop each day and think about the goals you'd like to reach? I certainly don't! The end of the year gives us the opportunity to think back on our past accomplishments, and look ahead to the future. It's a solid marker for the beginning of a new chapter in our lives, which makes it an excellent time to reflect and set new goals.

No, it doesn't have to be on New Year's - it can be at any time during any year. But I do think it's important to take time out of our lives to contemplate these things, and make some changes where they're needed. 

Resolutions are unrealistic, and usually unattainable. 

Why are resolutions unrealistic? Is it because people decide on resolutions that are too difficult to attain, or because we don't have the will to tackle them? The first step is setting specific, measurable goals. The next step is making sure you're willing to put in the work to achieve them. 

For example: You want to get a promotion at work, but you also want to travel more. These are contradicting goals, as getting that promotion may mean putting in more time in the office - but travel will take you out of it. What goals are more important to you right now, and what are you willing to put in the effort to change? 

Even if you're great at keeping a resolution in the beginning, 6-months in, you've forgotten all about it. 

Hold yourself accountable! Tell friends and family about your resolution, and ask them to help keep you on track. Start a blog about it and share your thoughts, feelings, and struggles. Maybe even set a calendar reminder at the 6-month mark. If you want to make that resolution happen, it will take work! But having support from others and holding yourself accountable will help you stay motivated to keep going. 

I'll just be disappointed in myself if I don't keep my resolutions. 

First of all, don't EVER think of resolutions this way - you're setting yourself up for failure! If you've had trouble keeping resolutions in the past, just set one simple goal. That's it, just one. See how you do. 

Secondly, be forgiving of yourself. Resolutions, even simple ones, sometimes just don't happen. Don't beat yourself up about it. Reassess, and move forward. 

Thirdly, give it some time. It's not easy to create new habits, and you'll most likely slip up along the way. We all do! Just keep coming back to it, and remember why you made the resolution in the first place. It'll take time, but it'll be worth it. 

Photo by: Wes Butler

Here are some of my favorite New Year's Resolution ideas for the year 2016*: 

*these are not specific goals (an important part of making resolutions that I mentioned above). I kept them slightly more vague so that they could be a jumping-off point for your own ideas, and what you personally want to accomplish!

Stop drinking booze for a year! 

Well, duh. But seriously, it's been one of the best resolutions I've ever made. You don't have to do a full year, but a couple of weeks, a month, 3 months - any amount of time can make a huge difference in your life. I promise. 

Limit your phone usage time. 

Silence your phone 1-hour before bedtime. Put your phone away at dinner or when hanging out with friends. Limit the amount of time you spend playing around on apps. Resolving to do any number of these can be a valuable way to get back quality time with the things that truly matter. 

Decide to stop spending so much money on stuff you don't need. 

One person that inspires me every day is Anna from And Then We Saved. I highly encourage you to read her story! She decided to stop spending money on everything that was a non-essential for her, and paid off almost $24k of debt in 15 months. She learned a lot about herself, and about what she really needed in life in the process. 

I've mentioned these guys before, but The Minimalists are amazingly inspirational. They stopped spending money on stuff, and started seeing the world in a more simple, and more honest way. Their stories have made a huge impact on me.

Bike and walk more. 

We are WAY too dependent on our cars to get around. We sit in an office chair all day long, sit in our car to drive home, then sit on the couch to watch TV. Many, many studies have shown that our bodies do not respond well to being sedentary. 

If you're within 1 mile or so, allow a little extra time to get to your destination and walk it! Put in your headphones and listen to your favorite podcast along the way. If you're within 5 miles, hop on your bike! If you're new to biking, many cities offer bike safety classes for free (Denver has an amazing non-profit called The Bike Depot), and you can often find an inexpensive gently used cycle on Craigslist. You'll save money on gas, and get in more movement every day. It's a win-win!

Work towards doing something you've always wanted to do, but never have. 

Everyone has one of these, maybe even a few. Have you always wanted to try improv comedy? Learn how to cook? Learn how to speak Spanish? Dance the tango? Paint a sunset? Play the piano? There's no better time than now. And when you're on your death bed, you'll never have to think: "Dang, I wish I would have done that thing I always wanted to do."

I've emphasized this before, but just start with a small step. It'll get you going in the right direction. 

Learn to love yourself. 

This is a difficult one, but I believe very important. Working towards accepting and loving yourself for who you are - no matter what size you are, issues you have, or mistakes you've made - is a beautiful and honorable goal. 

Build better relationships. 

In whatever way this means to you. Whether it's through rebuilding your relationship with your parents or a sibling, or giving a friend your undivided attention when they need it  - it's wonderful to strengthen the ties between the people that you care about. 

Maybe even decide to be better about telling the people you love that you love them. Show them through your actions, and live it every day. You never know when they won't be with you anymore. 

Make your kindness constant. 

Whether it's spending time helping your community, or simply giving food to someone who needs it - it doesn't matter how big or how small. Be kind to people who serve you, and ring you up at the register. Smile. Let that car merge ahead of you in traffic. Be patient. Offer a hand even if you're not sure if someone needs it. Open a door for someone. When a friend is upset, offer a hug. Donate to a friend's cause - or a stranger's cause for that matter. Don't overthink it, just make kindness a priority in whatever way you can. 

What are your resolutions for 2016? Leave them in the comments below! 

Have a very happy holidays and a safe and exciting New Year! 

11 MONTHS DOWN - 1 month to go! HOLY CRAP.

Whoa, guys. Whoa. 

2015 is almost over. This just blows my mind, even without the whole not-drinking-alcohol-thing. This epic and beautiful year has nearly concluded! I'm sure that 2015 brought about some important changes for everyone. Whether we created the change or allowed it to happen, this year has helped develop something different within each of us. I think it's important to reflect on our lives from time to time and to evaluate where we are, and how far we've come. For me, the end of the year is a nice solid marker. I like the idea of rebirth, and the chance to start again. To make resolutions and changes, even if they're just wishful thinking. 

November was a month of readjusting to daily life from vacations, taking on some new work, meeting new people, dating, gettin' in some family time (over Thanksgiving), and learning - always, always learning. 

Clockwise: Enjoying coffee in Portland, working from home, enjoying the change in weather, gearing up my bike for winter riding, and finishing a Book Club book.

Things I've learned this month: 

This was a small step, but I have many other habits I need to work on. 

Drinking was a habit I needed to get control over again. I figured out a way to handle what life throws my way without booze, and that feels really great. But realizing that I've been able to get a handle on that one thing magnifies the other things I struggle with. 

I still get in my head about stuff, emotionally speaking. I still haven't figured out a way to have music in my life regularly - whether singing in a band or a choir, just on my own, or by learning piano again. 

I need to be forgiving of myself though, and I understand that. I'm not perfect, and I never will be. That's another thing I need to work on: being okay with making mistakes (to learn from them), or being okay if it's not quite time yet. I dove into this a little more in this previous post. 

I can't just cut out the emotional stuff, relationships, or my desires and dreams. It works fine for something like alcohol, but I can't just remove those things from my life to better understand them. I have to work through them as they come, which at times can feel more difficult. 

I'm gaining confidence in my ability to handle alcohol next year. 

As mentioned in last month's post, I've been a little nervous about starting up with the booze again. But I've been gaining confidence over the past month, and I feel more ready. 

I know that I can go out and not need a drink. I know that I can go to a bar with my friends all night without any alcohol and have an awesome time. I can be myself without alcohol giving me false-confidence. I can even deal with a horrible shitty day without it. I've proved it over and over to myself this year. 

I'm beginning feel more certain that I'll be able to handle it. And that's very comforting!

I wish that everyone would decide to make this kind of change, just to see what it can do.

It doesn't have to be cutting out something, it could be adding. Deciding that every day for an entire year, you'll exercise - even if it's just a 30 minute walk, or playing catch with the kids. Deciding to work every day on learning a new language, bettering your neighborhood, or playing an instrument. Making the choice to be more honest in your relationships, and practicing it every day. Learning how to garden, or how to reduce your carbon footprint. 

All change is hard at first. It's not something that comes easily. We struggle with it, we curse the wrench that's been thrown in the machine, and we long for the comfort in routine and regularity. We are angry when we realize we have a food allergy and have to change our diets. We are frustrated when our car gets wrecked and we have to figure out other ways to get around. But eventually we grow, and start creating new habits and routines. And then, when we're finally getting comfortable, the rug gets ripped out from under us all over again.

That is life, I guess: a constant ever-changing clusterfuck in which we have to savor every happy moment when they come. When something is going well in one area of our lives, it seems that another thing ends up going catastrophically bad. It's important be grateful for the good stuff when it's happening. The unexpected will always occur, and I can either decide to be destroyed by what gets thrown at me, or figure out a way to use it to my benefit. As an eternal optimist, even at my very darkest, I'll choose the latter. 

-----

Money saved in 11 months: Approximately $2,625.00

How I feel: Prepared. Melancholy. Wistful. Nervous. Realistic. Healthy.

Giving Thanks

I feel so lucky to have all that I have, and to live this beautiful life. Even with all the craziness at times, there is so much beauty in every day that sometimes I think I might burst. To put it simply, this life's pretty darn awesome. 

There are so many things that I'm grateful for, and this barely scrapes the surface. Nevertheless, here's my fun little list of things that I'm giving thanks for today:

- My parents, George and Kate.
- My sisters, Amber and Taryn. 
- My friends, and extended family.
- Bicycles. 
- Helmets. 
- Long and revealing conversations. 
- Those moments we can set aside our phones and enjoy each other's company.
- Sympathy. 
- Dance parties. 
- My wonderful, silly, fantastic co-workers.
- Lazy mornings. 
- Really delicious coffee. 
- Gravy.
- Sweet lingering kisses. 
- Warm blankets. 
- When a song hits me at the very time I need to hear those words. 
- The moment I finish reading an amazing book. 
- Supplements. 
- When a hug says it all. 
- Large hot water heaters. 
- Helpful neighbors. 
- Coconut oil. 
- Snow boots.
- Thoughtful gestures. 
- People who really listen. 
- People embracing (and sharing) their talents. 
- People who can put aside their own pain to help another. 
- Days off. 
- Shared meals. 
- Puppies. 
- Shoes I can stand in for hours that don't hurt my feet.
- Police officers, firemen and women, emergency room doctors, nurses, and anyone else working their butt off during the holidays. 
- Cookies. ALL THE COOKIES. 
- Home.
- All of my friend's beautiful little babies that were born this year. 
- Spotify.
- Laughter that makes me forget anything bad ever happened.
- Romance.
- Moisturizer. 
- Hope. 
- Movie nights. 
- Perfect comedic timing. 
- Brakes. 
- Zero degree sleeping bags. 
- Park naps on warm summer days. 

There's so much more that I could put on this list, but for right now that'll do just fine! I'm thankful every day that I have so many wonderful people (like you) in my life. Yes, there are terrible, awful things that happen in this world - but today, let's focus on the good stuff. 

Wishing you and your families all a wonderful and beautiful Thanksgiving! 

No car? No problem!

As some of you already know, towards the end of last year, my Hyundai Santa Fe was rear-ended by a distracted driver and totaled. With the money I got for the car, I purchased a Volkswagon GTI that I absolutely loved. Even after all the repairs and quirks, I loved driving that little car. 

But alas, this world of distracted drivers screwed me all over again! 

Last month, a driver pulled out the wrong way down a one-way street and hit my GTI head-on. We were both totally fine, but yet again, my car was totaled. 

Therefore, in an effort to continue to live more minimally, and to see what it's like to go without things in order to better understand what I truly need, I've decided to go without a car!

Yes, I know winter is almost upon us. Colorado winters, although with more sunshine than the Ohio winters of my youth, can still be pretty brutal. I didn't say it would be easy. But as I learned when I went without a coffeemaker, and then Netflix, it could be something that will benefit me in unexpected ways. 

I also used some of the money I got from my car to buy this: 

It's a Yuba Cargo Bike, and it can carry up to 400 POUNDS on the back. I doubt I'll be riding around with a small rhinoceros anytime soon, but it's good to know what this super bike is capable of. The wheels are thicker and better with water and slush than my road bike, I'll be riding more upright which is more comfortable when wearing a winter coat, and it's SUCH A PRETTY COLOR RED! Apparently, this is considered the SUV of the bike world, so it should be able to handle the weather pretty well. Now I'm wondering if I will be able to do the same!

Usually the moment I see snow falling, I retire my bike for the winter. Now, I'll have no choice but to bundle up and start pedaling. Well, I could also walk, take the bus, an Uber, or a Car 2 Go. I'm certainly not without my options. The question is this: Do I really NEED my own car? 

Sure it gave me freedom, and the ability to get anywhere at anytime. I'll miss those things. This will definitely be a challenge for me, and I'm sure will be frustrating at times, especially at first. Even just getting down to my parent's house for a visit (with a car, a short 40-minute drive away) will not be easy.  

But do you know what else was difficult and frustrating at first? Not drinking alcohol for a year. And look how much I've learned! 

So goodbye, car! Winter - BRING IT ON. 

10 months down, 2 more left!

I feel like I've been saying this a lot lately, but October just FLEW by for me. With all the traveling (to Santa Fe, then to Portland with Amber), lots of busy busy work, and Halloween - I can't believe that November and the holidays are almost upon us! 

Our trip to Santa Fe was amazing - it was wonderful to have so many friends in one huge house. We got 15 people together to make the 6+ hour drive, and it was an absolute blast. We biked around town, shared some delicious meals, soaked in the hot tub, had a dance party, and I even got to see the huge Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta (one of the coolest parts of the trip). 

Me at the Hot Air Balloon Fiesta! The excitement is real, folks!!

My friend Lauren and I drove back together, and decided to take the scenic route home for prettier views of the mountains. It was worth it. There was one point in the drive that I took over, and Lauren napped a bit in the passenger seat. 

It was a long stretch of straight highway, flanked by a desert landscape and beautiful rolling mountains on both sides. I accidentally startled Lauren awake when I had Adele playing on my iPod (she can surprise you with those high notes), so I changed to some old-school Ben Folds. I forgot how much I enjoy his piano-playing-awesomeness! I had a good amount of time to just zone out, and think about stuff. 

That's a big wide stretch of road, folks.

I thought about a lot of things. I thought about who I am now, and who I was before. I saw different versions of myself, all lined up like pages in a flip-book. My different styles and haircuts. Friend groups, apartments, hobbies - my interests, boyfriends, loves, frustrations, and tears. I even thought I glimpsed my future at one point, but it was gone in an instant. 

By the time Lauren woke up, I hadn't figured anything out. I didn't come to some grand conclusion or understanding about my life or where I am now. But I felt good. I felt happy. I'm certainly not where I thought I'd be, but that's not important. What's important is that I'm happy. Right here, right now. 

Then Lauren asked me a beautiful question: "What are you looking forward to this week?"

And I realized: I'm looking forward to a lot of things. In that moment, I felt very grateful.

Things I've learned this month: 

I'm a little nervous about starting up with the booze again.

I would hope that throughout this whole thing that I've learned to control my drinking habits, but I'll only truly know when I start it all up again. And that makes me nervous. 

It's not that I don't trust myself to have willpower - clearly I have that! But as I've found with this little experiment, it's much easier for me to abstain from something entirely rather than do it in moderation. I struggle with that, and it always seems to be a slippery slope. 

So yes, I'm a little nervous about drinking again. I don't want to overdo it, and I don't want to end up where I was before - NEEDING that drink when I got home from work, or overindulging almost every weekend. 

I've voiced this concern to some friends already, and so far they have a lot more faith in me than I have in myself. I guess I'll just have to trust that they're right! 

Drunk people - UGH!

I've mentioned this in previous posts, but being out at the bars when everyone else is completely hammered can be truly difficult when you're sober. It seems that the only people that want to talk to me are the people that have already been drinking for a long, long time. Although I never seemed to mind when I was a little schnockered myself, it's extra annoying right now to have someone unable to form cohesive sentences trying to start a conversation with me. Ugh. 

My choices are impacting others. 

I think it's SO COOL to hear that people are inspired by what I've done this year. It means so much to me! Hearing someone say that they've made a change because of something I wrote about, or that they're inspired to drink less, or interested in taking a break from alcohol themselves - that thrills me through and through. 

The fact that a choice that I made for myself is impacting others truly shows me the ripple of life. The choices we make every day, the people we choose to spend time with, the activities we do, the energy we put out into the world - we make an impact with everything. The choice of whether or not we touch lives in a positive, or a negative way - that's up to each of us!

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Money saved in 10 months: Approximately $2,322.00

Weight: Don't care! NOPE!

How I feel: Excited. Hesitant. Hopeful. Radiant. 

9 months down, 3 left to go!

September was quite the whirlwind for me, and I can't believe how quickly it flew by. Shoot - we're already halfway through October for cryin' out loud! I know I keep saying it, but this year has been pretty darn amazing. I feel like I've learned SO MUCH, and I just want to keep on learning. 

This was my first month officially on-my-own with my freelance career, and I'm loving it. I work longer hours on the days when I have time, and take a little more time off on other days (when I can). I truly enjoy what I'm doing now too - I love my co-workers at the cafe (where I work part-time), and the constant socialization. I really enjoy the freelance work as well, since all of my projects have allowed me to be creative. I realize now that's something I've been craving in my work for a long time. 

My beautiful friends at the cafe! From left to right: Jeana, Mona, and Sienna. Not pictured: Ian and Wolfgang (those crazy boys). Latte art by Ian!

Summer seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye, and now fall (my favorite season) is beginning. The days are getting shorter, and I enjoy feeling the brisk air on my face as I bike to my cafe job in the mornings. It's a lovely change, and I look forward to what the new season will bring.

I have been thinking about what I've learned this month without having alcohol in my life:

I'm more hydrated.

This may seem obvious, but it's something I forget about all the time! Since I'm not drinking booze, I'm drinking either water or a fizzy water-based drink. All hydration, all the time!

I'm ready to start drinking again. 

I know I've come so far this year, and I'm so happy about the changes that have come from abstaining from alcohol. But I'm looking forward to having a drink again. I certainly don't plan to go crazy on January 1st, 2016 - but I look forward to having wine with dinner, or toasting a locally-brewed beer with friends. I hope that this year will make it easier for me to take time off from drinking in the future, and help me with moderation. 

I feel all the things, still mess up (even without alcohol), and that's okay. 

There was a point in this journey where I naively thought I could never do wrong, as long as alcohol was no longer clouding my judgement. But it just ain't true. I still screw up, and I still get frustrated about certain decisions I make in my life. I text people I shouldn't when I'm feeling blue (although I'm better at resisting), and I make some silly decisions when out partying late at night. 

Cutting out the alcohol doesn't guarantee that we'll make the best decisions in our lives. Some desires are still there, and I feel strong emotions. If anything, I probably feel everything more than I did before, and with greater clarity. My next step is to be forgiving of those choices. I won't always do the "right" thing all the time. There will always be those moments when I go with my heart rather than my head, even when it's probably best to listen to the latter. With or without alcohol - I am who I am: an emotional being with a constant jumble of emotions, and a big fucking sugar-coated daydreaming heart. And you know what? I'm okay with that. In fact, I am pretty sure I've reached the point in my life where I can love myself for that. And that's pretty damn awesome. 

Part of me is holding back. 

There's a reason why booze is called "liquid courage" - it takes away the voice of reason and replaces it with "I can and should do anything I want, right now!" As I mentioned above, it's still possible to make those carefree decisions without booze. But there's a bigger urge that holds me back. Lately I've been asking myself: are there things I wanted to say this year that I didn't say because I was never drunk? 

Think about those times when you're with your friends and you drunkenly tell them how much you love them. That guy you've always liked? You confess that you have feelings for him. You tell the world that you feel ALL THE THINGS and that they should feel them with you. I believe that when a little tipsy, we become a more honest version of ourselves. So there is a part of me that wonders if I've been holding back a bit, and I'm pretty sure that I have. I don't think it's a bad thing, but it's certainly interesting to think about.

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I hope you'll consider joining me in my last (less than) 3 months left of sobriety! Click here to sign up for my No Drinking Challenge, and let's toast on New Year's Eve! 

Money saved in 9 months: Approximately $2,056.00

Weight: Not a clue. But I did put on a size 4 pant the other day, which made my jaw drop. That could be from all the biking to/from work though. :)

How I feel: Contemplative. Content. Blissful. Fulfilled. Happy, happy, happy.