Friday night was… interesting.
It was the first night that I went out partying without booze this year, and man, it was very apparent how sober I was. A bunch of us went to karaoke night, which was SUPER fun. But everyone else around me was either tipsy or flat out drunk.
When I was on the dance floor I realized I wasn’t letting loose as much as I normally do. I was suddenly a little self-conscious, which was weird for me. I didn’t have anything to take the edge off, just sureness of myself, and suddenly I was unsure. It was a strange feeling, but it made me think: why do I need alcohol to be my ridiculously silly self?
Later that night I was talking to a boy I've kinda been crushin’ on. He had been drinking, I had not. We had an awkward conversation about our mutual attraction (well, awkward for me without the booze), and he told me that with everything said he was not looking for a relationship with anybody right now.
I realized if I had been drunk, none of what he said would have mattered. I would have taken the part about our attraction and run with it - ignoring the part about not wanting anything more. I maybe would have tried to smooch him. I would have not thought it through, just gone with the moment. I may have been okay with my decision later (or I may have had some regrets), but at the same time wondered if I was being true to myself.
With a clear head, I realized - I don’t want that. I thought to myself: I don’t just want a fling, I want something more (whatever that may be). I want to meet someone and get to know them, and if something comes out of it awesome, if not, move on. I want to see if something great could actually happen, not just a one-night make out session. I realized that this was a really good guy, and that doing something in the moment now could mess up any potential of something maybe happening down the road. Shit, nothing could happen in the future for all I know, but I didn’t want to just be some girl that was a temporary distraction. I’m better than that.
I’m not a distraction, I’m friggin’ rad. I realized that I not only respected him, but I respected myself too much to just jump into the unknown. Don’t get me wrong - I’m all about living in the moment. But through a haze of alcohol? That’s not always the best way to do it.
Yeah, I don’t think I would have thought of all that if I’d been drunk.
Saturday morning I woke up feeling good about my decision, and about myself. It felt good being the person that safely drove my friends home. It also felt good waking up on a weekend morning without any regrets, and with a clear head.
I can’t believe it’s only been 11 days, and I’ve already felt like I’ve learned so much!
PS. Money not spent so far (after the weekend): $62 total. That’s kind of awesome.
PPS. If you get a “mocktail” at a bar or restaurant, be sure you know the price of the damn thing before the server brings it to you. Somehow our server on Saturday night failed to tell me that my deliciously mixed glass of non-alcoholic juice and fizzy water was 6-friggin-dollars. Ugh. Lesson learned!