It's Not a Wedding: It's the Life Milestone Celebration We All Deserve to Have

On 10/14/2023, I threw a very special event for myself. I called it Simply the Beth: A Unique Celebration of Life Milestones. This is the speech I gave to my friends & family at the event.

photo credit: wild woman photo.

I don’t know if y’all know this about me, but I LOVE TO CELEBRATE.

I love celebrating engagements, weddings, new babies, second babies, new dog babies, and chinchilla babies. (Although I don’t know anyone that has a chinchilla just yet. YET.)
I love celebrating birthdays and holidays, retirements, graduations, and coming home from the hospital.
I love celebrating when children become adults. Although, let’s face it - we all know how much they’re going to hate adulthood.

When we were kids, we used to celebrate every little accomplishment. But then at some point, it goes away. We focus on only certain, specific milestones when we are in adulthood - and often lose sight of other milestones that are just as big, and still worth celebrating.

Photo credit: Wild Woman PHoto.

We don’t get a “gold star” for being grown-ups.
We don’t get a trophy for all of the accomplishments that add up to us feeling complete.
We don’t get a party when we get out of a marriage that is no longer working (even though we probably should).
We don’t usually put a ring on it when we’ve finally, FINALLY learned how to love ourselves (even though we probably should).

I decided to have this party because I wanted to celebrate OTHER life milestones.
I want to normalize celebrating MORE THINGS.
I want to celebrate people that get their Ph.D.
I want people to throw a party the first time someone gets their paintings featured in a gallery, or when they publish a book.
I want to normalize throwing a big bash on someone’s sobriety anniversary.
I want to normalize throwing a party when our daughters get their first period, or when our friends finally reach menopause.
I want to normalize people celebrating their yearly anniversary of going to therapy, for paying off their debt, for hitting their weight record for deadlifts, or finally being able to do one pull-up (those are SO HARD)!

Here is what I’m celebrating for myself tonight, with all of you:

• 2 years ago, I paid off $23,000 of credit card debt, and officially became debt-free at 40 years old!

• A year ago this week I bought a condo - which, with a single-income in downtown Denver? I should get a ticker tape parade for!

• In March of 2022, I officially became a ​PN Level 1 Nutrition Certified Coach through Precision Nutrition. (Which I’m not using for anything just yet, but gosh, it felt so good just to go through the process and accomplish that dream!)

I also want to celebrate taking the hard step of going to therapy (and putting in the work to improve myself), and stepping into new and uncomfortable spaces like:

• trying modeling for the first time

• fulfilling my dream of stunt driving - thanks to some incredible friends pitching in to make it happen

• starting my new “Adulting Sessions” community

• and taking my first-ever international trip by myself last year

Photo credit: Wild Woman PHoto.

I have been so thrilled to celebrate many of your milestones with you. And I’m so grateful that you’re here to celebrate the goals I’ve reached with me tonight.

The moment I decided to have this event I thought - is this crazy?
Are people going to think I’m being silly for having a “wedding-like” event, for me?
Or making a “registry” for myself?

Then I heard stories of people being inspired. Of wanting to have a milestone celebration like this for themselves, or for a friend. I realized that this event was bigger than me. It’s something that can help people abandon their fears about whether or not they’re on the right path, or if they’re doing enough just because their journey or timeline doesn’t look like other people’s, or what society tells us is the CORRECT path or timeline.

The truth is, we are all on our own journeys, with our own unique milestones to celebrate. There is no “right way” or “right time” for anything. Our lives were not all meant to follow the same path.

Photo Credit: Wild Woman Photo.

In a beautiful coincidence (or, perhaps fate?), tonight is a New Moon. New moons happen once a month, as the moon waxes toward fullness. It’s the beginning of a new cycle, a cosmic reset so-to-speak, which feels quite appropriate for the theme of this party! It’s a time to be grateful for what got us to this point in our lives and set intentions for a new phase.

I want to end this with a quote from an author I admire, Brianna Wiest:

“I hope you find the courage to change your life. In the small ways, in the big ways, in every way that matters.
I hope you do not end this story with a heart full of regrets.
I hope you do not spend your hears just waiting for your life to begin.
I hope you realize that this is not the practice run, this is not the preview. This is it.
There is nothing to do but leap.
There is nothing to do but allow yourself to exist as boldly and as honestly as you can.
You will think you have forever, but you do not. It all happens, and it happens quickly.
You are not waiting on another person, or the right timing, or for everything to fall into place.
You are waiting to feel ready enough to exist within the questions, to not need every answer, and to know that this life does not come to us to be perfectly understood, but to be fully experienced, in every direction we can possibly reach.”

Thank you, again - all of you, for being here to celebrate with me. All of you have touched my life in so many ways - encouraged me, supported me, and loved me - and I would not be the person that I am today without you.

Cheers!

Photo Credit: Wild Woman Photo.

Order the Damn Dessert

When I go out to eat, I order everything. 

Growing up as a child of boomers, it’s really no surprise. I always know the weather forecast for the upcoming week without ever actually checking any resources, and I know exactly how much I paid, down to the penny, for every food item in my refrigerator. Food I will finish eating no matter how unappetizing it gets - we do not waste food in this house. 

We never ordered a drink at a restaurant. Do you know how much money you can save if you don’t order a drink with your meal? Water for the table, please.

Would we like to look at a dessert menu? Absolutely not! Desserts are for special occasions like birthdays, and well, just birthdays because you only get dessert once a year - what are we, made of money? 

I didn’t know what dining out looked like outside of one meal with a side of water and a complimentary basket of bread, if I was lucky. 

Then I started making my own money. And now I order all the things. 

Yes, we would like to order drinks as we pursue the menu, thankyouverymuch. 
Want to share an appetizer? We should probably get two for the table, just in case. 
I’ll take the dessert menu now so that you don’t have to make an extra trip. 

They created a monster. 

I could spend all of my money just going out to eat.

This is also because I’m an experience gal. 

Once my parents had enough money to buy stuff, boy, did they buy stuff. They bought a bigger house then filled it with more stuff. There are multiple boxes in their basement with computer equipment that was outdated in 2001. Sometimes they give their stuff to me, usually because the stuff stopped working. They couldn’t possibly throw it away. It’s in perfect condition, aside from functioning. 

I don’t want stuff.

I want to see as many beautiful places as possible.

I want to enjoy meals I’ve never had before with people I’ve never met, and have traditional homecooked meals with people I’ve known for years.

I want to do stuff, not own stuff. 

This is why I love food. It’s always a new experience. 

Even the same recipe you have at the same restaurant on a different day is unique. I love that the way I’m feeling that day or the people I’m dining with can alter a meal. I love that the way the chef is feeling or how dim or bright the lighting in a restaurant is can also change everything.

One thing I will say for my parents is that they taught me how to be grateful for every meal. 
But damn it, mom and dad - it’s a Thursday. 
That is my special occasion. 
I’m ordering the damn dessert.

Sober Curious to Booze-Free: My Tale of Quitting Alcohol (finally!)

Wednesday night - I’m lounging on my couch, sippin’ my strawberry-flavored Waterloo, and scrolling Instagram. Lately, my feed has been populated with sobriety quotes, booze-free drink alternatives, and puppies that can’t navigate the stairs quite yet.

A close friend sent me the link to an article: I’m Tired of Explaining Why I Don’t Drink by Sarah Wood. I immediately read it and breathed a HUGE sigh of relief that someone else felt the same way as me. I then felt the urge to share my own story. 

First of all, I’ve been “sober curious” for a while now. 

For most of my life, I drank the way many Americans do: happy hours on weekdays, extra drinks on the really hard days, day-drinking on weekends, a shot or two when pressured properly (especially on birthdays), and never ever turning down an occasion with an open bar. 

Fast-forward to 2014, when I decided to give up booze for the entire following year (2015) just to see if I could do it. I even started a blog to write about my experiences and to track my progress. 

It went incredibly well. I felt great in so many ways. It almost became a part of my identity… almost. 

After that year, I cracked open the champagne on New Year’s Eve and entered 2016 with booze back in my life. I DID IT! I MADE IT A WHOLE YEAR WITHOUT DRINKING - HOORAY FOR ME! Welp, time to start drinking all over again! 

Years went by, and I fell back into my old habits. I didn’t have a problem with alcohol! I drank like everyone else did. In my mind, either you were someone who had a problem with alcohol (an ALCOHOLIC), or someone who could moderate. 

I could moderate. Or so I told myself. 

The truth is that I never understood what “moderation” really looked like. Whenever I went with the recommended amounts, I simply felt like I was resisting the urge to have more. Like when you’re on a diet and you only get 3 cookies a week, all you can think is WHEN THE FUCK YOU CAN HAVE THAT NEXT GODDAMN COOKIE. That’s how I felt about “moderation”. A “moderate amount” wasn’t enough. And yet anything more, even what seemed like a little bit more, always felt like too much. 

I just needed to figure out my balance, right? That was the whole problem - I just didn’t know how to properly moderate in a way that was right for me. It was my lack of willpower that was the issue - not the alcohol itself. (I hope you’re sensing my sarcasm there. I’m laying it on pretty thick.)

Then whatever moderation I was working towards (or convincing myself I was working towards for the 1,000th time) went completely out the window. 

When the pandemic hit full force in the US in March of 2020, I easily found ways to justify drinking every day. I won’t list the numerous ways that coping with booze became acceptable because I’m sure many of you experienced the same justifications everywhere you looked.

When 2021 arrived, I realized that my daily drinking habit needed to stop. And yet, I still fluctuated - generally feeling a lack of control whenever I thought I had it all under control. I wasn’t ready to quit alcohol when I purchased Quit Like A Woman (by Holly Whittaker) in 2020. It sat on my shelf for a full year before I cracked it open - completely willing to ignore most of the advice. 

As I read, my curiosity about sobriety began to grow. I was surprised to find myself picturing what my life would look like without alcohol in it. I thought back to my year without booze and wondered: 

• Why do we have to label people as “alcoholic” or “sober” - why is there nothing in between? 

• Why do we have to be deemed an alcoholic to question why we drink alcohol? 

• Why do I always feel like I have to explain myself when I’m not drinking? 

• Can I do events, celebrations, birthdays, holidays, dinners, happy hours, brunches, sporting events, Wednesday nights, any nights without booze? 

• Why do I continue to drink? 

Everything Holly Whittaker said in that book resonated with me. And yet, I continued to drink alcohol. I simply wasn’t ready to give it up. I CAN MODERATE, REMEMBER? 

After I read Quit Like a Woman, I turned 40. Lately, booze just hasn’t affected my body in the same ways it used to. If I drank within a certain number of hours before bed, I’d wake up sweating and restless - unable to get back to sleep. Hangovers are also significantly worse. I could simply look at a glass of red wine and feel a headache brewing. I questioned why I continued to put this stuff in my body that clearly my body was telling me it didn’t like. 

Then an old question spoke up louder than the others: WHY DO I CONTINUE TO DRINK? 

What I was looking for was a tipping point. 

I picked up Quit Like a Woman again, and re-read it. This time something clicked. 

I haven’t had any alcohol since October 2021. And I fucking love it. 

I didn’t make a big announcement about it or anything (at least until now), because I just wanted to sit with it for a while. Not explain myself to anyone or feel the need to define my “why”. Just live my life every day without putting alcoholic beverages into my face hole. 

And yet, why does that need an explanation? 

The truth is, I don’t need a reason. Just like I don’t need a reason as to why I choose not to eat broccoli at every meal, or why I do choose to put mayonnaise on top of any form of potato product. 

If it helps those that are sober-curious ask some questions themselves, then I’ll list a few reasons. Because deciding not to drink was a great fucking idea for me, and it all started with curiosity. 

Reasons why I have decided not to drink alcohol anymore:

• Because drinking alcohol makes me feel like garbage.
  I don’t surround myself with people or things that make me feel like garbage anymore. (My therapist helped me work through that.) But I figured, if it makes me feel sick most of the time, maybe I should stop putting it in my body. 

• Because I want to feel my feelings.
  I used alcohol to “cope” with any time I was feeling sad, anxious, stressed, scared, or angry. But booze only numbed me temporarily - I only felt those feels even more once the numbing passed. So I’d drink to numb myself all over again. I’ve learned it’s better to just learn how to fucking feel them feels. Face them and be in them and wallow and cry and scream and FEEL IT ALL.

• Because I can socially interact without it.
  When I started wondering why I continued to drink, I realized that for me, the big reason was to socialize. I enjoy the atmosphere of bars and socializing with others there. I enjoy celebrations and dancing and getting goofy. But when I saw that the key to those moments was being around people and not being around booze - I felt free. I can even remember entire conversations and people’s names, and then drive myself home safely at the end of the night. 

• Because I don’t waste my time on shit I don’t want to do.
  If I feel like I can’t do something without booze, I don’t do it anymore. If I have to be drunk to want to participate in an Escape Room - MAYBE I JUST HATE THE IDEA OF DOING AN ESCAPE ROOM. If I can’t do that activity without booze, then why the hell do I want to waste my time doing it? 

• Because I feel more like ME.
  I do things because they feel good. I sleep well and have the energy to exercise more. I like not worrying about hangovers. I like being in my body and being who I am. I enjoy being able to be more attentive in conversations with the people that I love, and new folks that I might love in the future. It’s pretty dang nice. 

This is a big, fat, beautiful life, and I’m just figuring out the way to live it in the way that works best for me. If you’ve read this far, maybe you’ve started asking these questions to yourself, or maybe you just really really like reading the words that I write (if it’s the latter - wow, I’m flattered)!

As Sarah Wood said in her article: “My life did not end when I stopped drinking. In many ways, it started.” I can’t think of a better way to sum up my feelings about living a life without booze in it. 

I no longer think about drinking as something I’m not doing. I think about everything awesome I am doing with my life instead.

Further reading: 

https://www.thecut.com/2022/01/im-tired-of-explaining-why-i-dont-drink.html 
https://jointempest.com/
https://www.quitlikeawoman.com/

Positivity During a Pandemic? OKAY!

Hey gang! It’s been a while. Oh, you know, just a year and a half. But a lot can happen in a year! (Har, har.)

A quick sum-up: I went through a difficult break-up, got a new full-time job, moved into my own apartment again, went through another break-up, then the pandemic hit. Then I went through some serious personal growth. Then my job ended. Then I found a new job and went through another break-up and more personal growth. And here we are.

This post was something I wrote to share with the company I’m working for now. We do these weekly inspirational posts, so I gave it my own spin. Hope you enjoy!

I was trying to think of something to write today and all I could think was: pandemic, pandemic, pandemic, vaccine, pandemic, whentheheckisthisgonnabeover.

I initially thought I could send some words of advice about how we should continue finding creative ways to connect with friends, find motivation to stay healthy, blah blah blah - but I feel like I’m being bombarded with unsolicited advice these days from all directions and I’m pretty tired of it.

Really y’all, we get it.

Wear a mask. Wash hands. Stay in. Stop shoveling cake into my face to cope. Move more. Find balance. Get more sleep. Call mom. Repeat.

I have found that whatever advice I hear or read lately I immediately think:

UGHHH I GET IT. HAVEN’T WE DONE ENOUGH? WE’VE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS FOR A YEAR. WE’RE PROS NOW.

(The exception is people still wearing their masks under their noses. They don’t get it.):

I also spent a big chunk of last year doing a lot of personal growth. Even if you didn’t go all gung-ho with therapy like I did, we all went through some big changes all at once. And I don’t know about you, but I need a freakin’ break. I don’t want to work on myself anymore. I don’t want to grow or change or be the “best version” of myself right now. More than anything, right now I want to just BE and for that to be enough. Do you remember a time when you were 6-years old and you could wake up in the morning and just being you was enough?

Yeah, me neither.

Around this time of year I usually start looking forward to the future. I book a vacation, consider music festivals I want to attend over the summer, and start pondering my next camping adventure. However, I’ve kind of accepted that this summer will still be pretty different than what I see as “normal”.

With that said, I don’t think things will ever be “normal” again.

The world will look different because WE are different. A year has changed us in significant ways. And although I’d love to do my normal fun-stuff-of-summer planning, I also don’t want to expect too much.

So instead, I’d like to look forward and share all my thoughts about what positive changes that the pandemic will bring. No, these thoughts aren’t based in research or facts. They’re just my random musings about the pandemic, and how I think it will change the world for the better:

• DOGS. So many people have adopted dogs this year that there will be lots of happy pups to pet (and hopefully more dog-friendly patios)! (This puppy pictured is Zoki. My friend Betsy just adopted her. I’m obsessed.)

• OUTDOOR DINING. Speaking of patios, I hope a lot of restaurants will keep their outdoor dining. That would be awesome.

• LESS PHONE TIME. Since we’ve realized the power of real in-person connection and community, maybe folks will stop being so addicted to their phones.

• MASKS WHEN SICK. If more people are comfortable with wearing masks, then hopefully people will be more willing to wear them in public when they’re sick.

• MENTAL HEALTH / HEALTHCARE. Since we’ve been shown the importance of mental health, and healthcare overall, maybe access to both will get better.

• TEACHERS. Since people have had to teach their kids at home, maybe teachers will get appreciated more (and hopefully paid more).

• EQUALITY. With the revival spark of Black Lives Matter, I hope we start seeing real change in racial equality.

• HEALTHCARE WORKERS. I don’t even know what to say about it, but holy heck, I’ve never appreciated them more. Make things better for them and their families? I don’t know but give them a freakin’ medal or something.

• RESTAURANTS. I hope that service industry workers get taken better care of, and that there is more support in the future for the restaurant industry that we love so much.

• MUSICIANS. Since concerts and live shows have been canceled, I hope we can support the music industry more and in new ways.

• CARS. I hope that we drive less on a daily basis.

• TRAVEL. I also hope that we travel more.

• LIVING IN THE PRESENT. I hope we have learned to never again wait to do that thing that we’ve always wanted to do “someday” and that we start living our lives NOW.

What about you?
Do you agree / disagree?
What are you excited to see change?

Hope you have a wonderful start to your week.

And pull that mask over your nose, for cryin’ out loud.

Reflecting on Two Months

Welp, I’ve officially been living with my folks for two months now. High five! Things I’ve learned over the past two months of being back in Colorado:

• THERE IS ALWAYS KLEENEX.
  You can find it in every single room of my parent’s house (yes, even the laundry room). In case of a laundry room tissue-emergency.

• THERE IS A LEVEL OF ACCEPTANCE.
  Acceptance that my parents will do what they do how they want to do it, no matter how little sense it makes to me at times. And I’m learning how to stop trying to change that.

• NO RENT IS PRETTY AWESOME.
  Have I thanked my parents enough for letting me stay with them rent-free? I don’t think so. THANK YOU, PARENTS. This has allowed me put so much more money towards my debt, and I’ve already reached TWO of my debt-payoff goals:

  • Have $1K in my Emergency Savings fund. (Check!)

  • Pay off one credit card. (Boom!)

• COMMUTING SUCKS.
  Seriously, how do people do this every day? Drive an hour to/from work in stressful angry traffic? It’s awful!! My only saving grace has been keeping up with friends on WhatsApp voice recordings and Brene Brown’s talk about The Power of Vulnerability. (If you haven’t listened to this yet, please do. She’s amazing.)

• I AM COMING TO TERMS WITH FORGETTING STUFF.
  When I first started living 1/3 of the time at my parent’s, 1/3 of the time at Jake’s, and 1/3 of the time out of my car, I gave myself anxiety trying to remember EVERYTHING. Whether it was snacks, a change of clothes, my water bottle, my vitamins - I was losing my mind. I’m trying to get better at letting it go if I forget stuff. Keeping an emergency stash of clothes / underwear in my car helps.

• TAKING TIME TO MYSELF IS OH-SO IMPORTANT.
  I ain’t gonna lie - this has been a big adjustment for me. I still break down in tears from time to time, and I still struggle with not having a true space of my own to retreat to. It’s interesting to realize that even as extroverty as I am (yes, that’s a word now), I still need my happy-quiet-Beth-recharge-space.

My effort at a little space: dinner in my room (with Friends, of course). Yes, I am aware of the irony.

• IT HAS BEEN WONDERFUL RECONNECTING WITH MY COLORADO FAMILY.
  I miss my Portland crew so, so much. I think about them every day. At the same time, it’s so wonderful to be reunited with my crew out here. My friends are my family, and they are what keeps me grounded.

• DATING LONG DISTANCE IS DIFFERENT THAN DATING IN THE SAME CITY.
  Kind of an obvious lesson I guess, but something I’ve never tried to do before! But we are figuring it out, and I gotta say, it’s been pretty darn great. Riding bikes together has kind of been THE BEST. <3

BIKES!!!

With all the change, all the challenges (oh, did I mention I decided to start a 90-day cleanse 2-weeks ago? Yeesh), and all the adjustments into this new way of life, I’m finally starting to feel a little more settled in.

OH, AND SUMMER FINALLY DECIDED TO ARRIVE IN DENVER.

Shit yeah.

Colorado Homecoming

Well, gang - I made it back to Colorado!

I left Portland last week with a lot of tears, and a heart full of love and joy. One night, when I was crying to Jake about how sad I was to leave, he said something very poignant:

“Isn't it better that you're sad about leaving? That means you've made some amazing friendships and connections. I think it's wonderful that you're sad to go. That means you made the most of it.”

Well, ain’t he just a smarty-pants?

When Amber & I left just before dawn (after tearful hugs with Emily & CJ - love you guys!), we made our way through the Columbia River Gorge just as the sun was coming up. It was stunning. It was like Oregon was saying goodbye to me.

(Yes, I understand how ridiculous that sounds. The sun rises every morning, Beth! It just felt pretty special, is my point.)

It looked something like this. No, I did not take this photo. But @ddimick on Instagram did.

Amber and I made it until about 2-hours outside of Salt Lake City before we both broke down in tears. We didn’t realize how much our lives would change living together as adults, and this whole experience was more amazing than either of us could have imagined.

And when I say “tears” I mean big-fat-ugly-crying. It was awful. And wonderful. ALL THE FEELS!

#sistercode

Salt Lake City is a pretty darn gorgeous place, and although Jake got in wayyyyy later than expected (1:30am - what a trooper!), we started off for our second leg of the trip bright and early. Amber flew back to Portland, and we’ve talked every day since. Thank GOODNESS.

The second half of our journey was a little more adventurous than the first, but luckily I had the calmest dude on the planet as my co-pilot.

First, I thought I’d left my wallet in the bathroom of Little America in Wyoming.

I mean, if you’re going to lose a wallet isn’t that the best place to do so? We took a 20-minute detour and after much frantic searching (and a helpful cleaning lady who insisted to pray by my side as we looked), I double-checked my purse and realized I had my wallet the entire time.

Whoops.

After continuing on for a few hours, we heard a “thunk” from where my two bikes were expertly attached to the back of my Ford Focus.

(By “expertly” I mean “sort-of” and by “attached” I mean “as secure as I felt like putting in the effort for.”)

When we pulled over to check on them, we noticed that both bikes had slid down and were dangling on the back, their tires about 4” from the ground. The last of the restraints had broken (after sitting outside on the back of my car through 2 Portland winters).

Whoops again.

After about 15 minutes of grunt-filled re-rigging, a storm started to roll in and pelt us with the first drops of icy cold rain. We realized we had to get this done quickly, and by golly, we did. At least well enough to get us to Colorado!

Gosh darnit, we’re cute. Barf.

I’m finally unloaded now, and getting settled in to this new life. I miss my friends in Portland dearly (yes, already), and at the same time I’m so excited to see all of my friends in Denver. My social calendar is quickly filling up and that’s exactly how I like it!

More updates to come about:

• What it has been like living with my parents. (There are tissue boxes EVERYWHERE. I’m not kidding. Every. Single. Room.)

• How my debt payoff is going. (Spoiler: I already reached my first goal. Hooray for not paying rent!!)

• Reflections on life and junk. (You know how I roll.)

<3

Feeling Gratitude

My sister Amber and I have been discussing gratefulness a lot lately. Amber came across an article that included some research finding that people who express gratitude and give thanks for what they have are significantly happier than those that do not.

I have always thought being grateful meant comparing what you have to what someone else doesn't have.

For example, even though my apartment constantly leaks cold air and I get splinters in my feet from the never-refinished hardwood floors, I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head at all. I have good food on my plate, so therefore I should be grateful because some people don’t have access to healthy food at all.

It turns out being grateful is much more than that.

Gratefulness is not just applying a side-by-side comparison of what you have versus what someone else does not. It is about feeling thankful for everything you’ve been blessed with, how these things came into your life, and acknowledging the little miracles.

Actual definition of gratitude: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for, and to return kindness.

Amber and I have been trying especially to be more mindful about our eating habits. Not just putting healthier foods into our bodies, but also not eating while standing at the kitchen counter and shoveling it down our throats just to get on to the next thing we have to do that day.

We are trying to create a new habit so that when we sit down to eat, we really think about the food we’re about to eat and how thankful we are to have it. Kind of in the way that religious folks say grace, but Amber came up with her own script that works for us and I absolutely love it:

“We receive this food in gratitude to all beings who have helped bring it to this table, and to the nature that provided it. We receive this food to maintain this body, and stay healthy - letting go of unpleasant feelings, without stirring up new ones. And for those with whom we are about to share it, we are thankful.”

Today is my 38th birthday (woohoo)! My wish is to go into this year holding that kind of gratitude in my heart every single day - throughout every facet of my life.

Even just pausing for a moment to be thankful for a warm hug from a friend, a morning to sleep in, a good pair of thick wool socks, or the fact that green chili exists. I want to exist treasuring the belief that life is beautiful, and choose to cherish kindness and good rather than be weighed down by the ugly and bad.

We can choose where we invest our energy, and I am choosing the lighter side.

And with that, I’m grateful for you. Thank you for being a part of my life, for reading this post, for waking up this morning and being your wonderful self.

Cheers to another year!

Moving Back to Move Forward

In 2015, my year without booze, I easily found inspiration for topics to write about. A year that began as a simple idea (to go one year without drinking any alcohol), led to an unfolding of realizations about myself, my relationships, my work, and every aspect of my life.

But really, I wrote blog posts because I needed a distraction.

I needed a way to deal with the struggle I faced every day to go without my usual coping mechanism. So I wrote. Writing each post became therapeutic. A release for my thoughts and fears and frustrations. I reassured myself by working through these feelings, which began to become hopeful and excited. Friends told me that my posts inspired them to make changes in their lives as well.

Toasting to my year without booze!

Now I’m moving into another phase of my life, and I’m hoping to pick my blog back up where I left off. I hope to use this medium to work out my thoughts and feelings and to make sense of them.

When I moved to Portland, Oregon just a couple of short years ago, I didn’t know what the choice would mean or how it would affect me. I knew it would be great - no matter what - and that’s why I chose to do it. And I’m so, so happy that I did!

Living in Portland I have learned so much.

Living with my sister Amber has been the absolute best part. We’ve supported each other, laughed ourselves to tears, and shared so many meals together (which I cooked, of course), and it’s an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world. I’m happy every day that we decided to take this leap together.

Our company, The Bike Dress, has come such a long way. We still have a ways to go, but it’s getting there. We’ve both learned a lot about ourselves, and taught each other some important lessons. Amber has helped me to learn the value of holding my feels back a bit, and I’ve helped her learn that it’s okay to barf those feels out sometimes. (It’s all about balance with those feels.)

#Sistercode.

If I hadn’t moved to Portland I may not have been strong enough to detach myself from a romantic relationship that wasn’t right for me. But the distance was healing, and I began to trust again. And that opened me up to something really beautiful with an amazing man, who just happened to be right under my nose for a very long time.

Yeah, I know. We’re so cute you wanna barf. <3

What I’m trying to say is that I see my move to Portland as a huge success.

A beautiful, wonderful success during which I made connections and friendships that I know will last the rest of my life.

I love my Portland family, and trust me when I say that I will be back.

Get ready for a bombardment of photos…

Even Keel gang - I love you guys!

Two of the funnest most fabulous people on the planet.

Blurry girls doing some wine tasting in the Willamette valley.

These kickball kids crack me up so much and I love them for that!

A beautiful wedding for two beautiful peeps.

These two. Just these two.

I have never felt more inspired than the Saturdays I’ve spent with this amazing group of women!

Damn, Pickathon was fun. (And Betsy, I MISS YOU!)

Now, I’m ready to move forward by heading back. Back to Colorado!

I am excited about this for many reasons. I am thrilled to be rejoined with my Denver family, my friends, my sweet Jake. And now I’m excited to face a new challenge that I’ve struggled with for a big part of my life: debt.

I’ve had my ups and downs with money, as we all have.

Recently, I have been thinking of money in comparison to waves, sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down, but it will constantly be in flux and I just have to accept that. Although I still believe there is some truth to that, my money-wave has been fluctuating below the line of breaking even for much too long.

I turn 38 years old in March.

As I inch closer to 40, I’m getting all kinds of existential. I’m having those “what does it all mean?” thoughts, and reflecting a lot on my past while at the same time feeling the weight of my future.

No, life ain’t all about money.

But I want to feel secure with it, and feel free of the burden. Yes, I want to live happily, and spend the money I have earned by ordering all the food when I go out to eat (my friend Katie’s favorite part about dining out with me), taking trips, buying concert tickets, and buying a pretty sweater when it strikes my fancy.

However, I also want to be able to pay my bills without feeling stretched.

I want to be able to have money set aside for if my car breaks down.

I want to open an unexpected medical bill and not burst into tears.

I do not want to feel dread as the end of each month approaches, and rent is due again.

I want to be able to afford to live in an apartment that doesn’t have squirrels living in its storage space.

I want to be able to treat a friend to dinner on their birthday.

I do not want to feel anxiety over every dollar I spend.

I want to feel comfortable.

So I am heading back to Colorado to live with my parents for a little while. They have graciously welcomed me back into their home to jump-start my progress, and I couldn’t be more grateful. It will take time, and a change in habits to make this stick, but I feel ready. And so thankful that I have such a great support group.

Living with the folks again at 38 isn’t going to be easy for me.

And this is why I’ve picked up blogging again. I figure, this will be a hoot, right? A nearly-40-year-old woman moving back in with the folks? Why not use it as an opportunity to write?

Well, golly, that’s just what I’m gonna do.

Things to Do and Places to Go in Portland

I recently had a friend text me and ask, “what are some fun things to do in Portland? I know some people that are visiting soon.”

I don’t think she had any idea how long of an email response she was going to get.

Luckily my friend was thrilled at all the information, and said that I should share everything I’ve experienced in my first year in Portland with the world. I thought it was a brilliant idea, and also a way for me to post on my own damn blog for once!

If you’ve been wondering what I’ve been up to in Portland all this time, this is a great summary. As you can see, it’s been a lot of eating and drinking everywhere, but hey, that’s what I like to do!

Also, I friggin’ love this town. I. LOVE. PORTLAND. I’d shout it from the top of a waterfall right now if I could. Or maybe just after a few beers on a rooftop patio. For now, I’ll just share some of the things I love the most about this amazing city.

I have not been offered any compensation by any of these places, although I certainly wouldn’t mind a little bonus after the fact. I’m looking at you, Harlow.

THINGS TO DO IN PORTLAND, OREGON

Portland neighborhoods are divided into four sections, as listed below. I’m starting with northeast because I live there and yes, I do play favorites.

NORTHEAST

Best streets for walking around: Alberta, Mississippi, Fremont

Places to go:

• Pine State Biscuits. Get the fried chicken. Trust me.
• Pip’s Original Doughnuts & Chai. This is where my “waiting in line” advice (below) goes out the window. Try all the doughnuts, and all the chai (made in-house).
• Verde Cocina. The most colorful and deliciously fresh Mexican food I’ve ever had.
• The Zipper. This is a cafeteria-style establishment with an array of food choices and a super rad bar called Paydirt. I highly recommend getting the fried chicken salad at Basilisk. I have dreams about it.
• The Kennedy School. This is a remodeled elementary school that has changed their classrooms into multiple bars, a music venue, small movie theater, and more. It’s such a fun spot!
• Expatriate. A dark little secret tucked away in the Alberta area, great for fancy cocktails. Get there between 5-6 for the wonton nachos. More food dreams there. OH! And order a ‘diplomatic pouch’ to drink - the bartender will make you something custom according to the flavors you like. So swank.
• Broder Nord. I didn’t think I’d come to love a Swedish brunch, but boy, now I do.
• Alibi Lounge. Tiki bar with the best pina colada I’ve ever had, and karaoke every night starting at 9pm. Need I say more?
• Sandy Hut. Greasy burger, onion rings, cheap beer, pool tables. Divey and fabulous.
• Cup and Bar. My fave spot to freelance from. Get the avocado and ricotta toast. See photo to commence drooling. 

You have to ask them to add the ham on there, but you won't regret it! 

SOUTHEAST

Best streets for walking around: Hawthorne, Belmont, Division

Places to go:

• Harlow. I don’t have any food allergies (they’re great for gluten-free folks and vegans), and I still friggin’ love this place. I’ve never been anywhere that I not only feel ridiculously good about what I ate, but also like I indulged myself. See photo below. 
• Kati’s Thai. So fresh, SO YUMMY.
• Aalto. Go for happy hour - they open at 5 and it goes ‘till 7. They do $3 fancy cocktails!
• Schilling Cider House. 50 ciders on tap, and a great patio.
• Doug Fir. If you have the chance, catch a live show there. And be careful of the mirrors when you go to use the bathrooms. I warned ya.
• Mount Tabor. An inactive volcano that’s now a park with trails to walk. It’s gorgeous and ginormous, and much more fun to bike down rather than up.
• Creepy’s. A fun and kitschy place to drink. Check out the painting behind the bar. It’s watching you.
• Bagdad Theater.* They only feature one film at a time, but it’s beautifully remodeled and so darn cool.
  *There are so many lovely remodeled movie theaters around town that show unique features and old flicks on the weekend. Laurelhurst, Mission Theater, Cinema 21, and Hollywood are a few more that are worth checking out! And everywhere serves really great beer and real food!!

Need more convincing of why to go to Harlow? Check out their Instagram feed @harlowportland.

NORTHWEST

Best streets for walking around: Burnside, 21st, 23rd

Places to go:

• Portland City Grill. It’s on the top floor of an office building, so the view is fantastic and there’s even a piano in there. Get there early for happy hour, and creep on folks to snag their table.
• Le Chon. On the riverfront, this place has amazing South American food and tapas. And oysters! YUM.
• Japanese Garden. It’s just beautiful, and great for walking around on a low-key day. Or if you’re hungover.
• Powell’s Books. You just gotta go if you love books at all. It’s HUGE.
• Forest Park. Super easy hiking trails right downtown. How cool is that?
• PSU Farmers Market. There are so many vendors it’s redonk. And it goes all year round.
• Even Keel Coffee Co. Because, duh. 

I mean, I work there. I gotta plug it. Remember when I said I play favorites? 

SOUTHWEST

Best streets for walking around: I don’t really know. But if you keep heading south, you’ll hit the areas of Tualatin and Durham where there are a ton of wineries! I haven’t explored the SW area much, but dang, the wine is FAB.

Just a couple of sisters, drinkin' wine in Oregon. 

OTHER AREAS

The Hangar at Oaks Park. The Rose City Rollers have their bouts at this location, and although their venue will be changing soon you should definitely see them play. It’s also right next to an amusement park. DAY. OF. FUN.

The Columbia River Gorge. Drive up to do some hiking and see some waterfalls! I wouldn’t bother with Multnomah Falls - it’s right off the highway and very touristy. Sadly, the Oregon side was decimated by fires last year, and a lot of the trails are still under repair. Definitely cross over to the Washington side of the river though. The hikes are lovely - see below!

WATERFALLLLLLL!

Sauvie Island. Just north of the city there is a little beach along the river where you can hang out. Be sure to stop at the convenience store on your way to get a day pass for parking (there’s one right off the road just before you arrive). There's totally a nude section of the beach too, although I haven't been to that part. YET.

The Oregon Coast. It's only about a 1.5 hour drive away, and so worth it. See photo below. 

MORE STUFF

Yes, there’s always more.

Coffee: Way too many places to name them all. Extracto, Marigold, Water Avenue, Case Study, Proud Mary - these are just some off the top of my head. They all roast their own beans, and it's gosh darn delicious.

Breweries: They are AWESOME and there are also SO MANY! What makes them even better is that everywhere is required to serve food. Therefore since they're all in friendly competition with one another, they all have really, really good food.

Food cart corrals: A huge thing in Portland, and you'll come across them everywhere. I highly recommend trying something from them! Although there are some corrals downtown, the best ones are in the neighborhoods I mentioned above.

ADDITIONAL TIPS ABOUT...

...going out to eat:

Check and make sure a restaurant is open before you go - some locations keep unusual hours, and aren’t open certain days of the week.

There are a lot of places where people wait in a long line for a table even when the food is not all that fabulous (I mean, it might be good, but not GREAT). I don’t like waiting 2-hours for food (I get cranky), and I guarantee there’s another place close by that’s just as delicious if not moreso. However, at some places (such as Harlow and Pine State) you just order at the counter then sit down at a table with a number (which I LOVE), causing the line to move quickly even when it’s long.

You really can’t go wrong with where you go out to eat - the restaurants are amazeballs.

...going out to drink:

At some bars a line forms for ordering. It was weird for me at first, but queue up with everyone else. It helps when there is only one bartender working so that they don’t lose their minds. And Portlanders are excellent at waiting in lines. I don’t get it.

Oh, and don’t ask for water from the bartender. Almost every bar has a water station if you look around, and I will never understand why Denver doesn’t adopt the same practice. It’s the mile-high city for cryin’ out loud! Gotta stay hydrated!

Fancy cocktail at Expatriate!

...going out in the rain:

It doesn't rain much in the summertime, but in the spring/fall/winter be prepared. Just don't use an umbrella if you want to look like a local. It is usually light rainfall, and a waterproof jacket is so much easier.

...driving around:

Keep a sharp eye out for pedestrians and cyclists in busy areas like SE Hawthorne, NE Alberta, and downtown. This is a very walk / bike friendly city and some folks are very confident about their crosswalks! When in doubt, yield to them.

Also, everybody drives really freakin’ slow. You just gotta get over it.

...walking around:

Downtown is full of transients and homeless people, and the numbers may surprise you. Although it may seem like a lot of people, it's not much more than any other city. The problem is that all of the relief facilities are located within the same few blocks, so they're all concentrated in one area. It's a huge problem here and a good thing to be aware of.

Also, drivers will sometimes stop for you whether you’re at a crosswalk or not - even if you were only thinking about crossing the street. Just wave “thank you” and cross carefully.

...getting around in general:

I highly, HIGHLY recommend either renting a bike or using Biketown (the bike share program from Nike) to get around town. Portland is rated in the top 5 cities in the U.S. for cycling, and there’s a good reason for that. The infrastructure is fantastic and you see the city in a whole new way.

That's one of the reasons why we came here to start The Bike Dress! (Shameless plug, and I DON’T CARE.)

THAT WEB ADDRESS AGAIN IS: THEBIKEDRESS.COM. Thank you for your time. 

Otherwise, the public transportation is really great too - it’s so easy to get around town without a car.

...doing anything else:

Everyone here is SO NICE. Chat with anyone and everyone. They'll give you recommendations, whether you ask for them or if they just overhear your conversation - and very happily. It will bug you how happily.

---

Welp, that’s my list! I have had many, many more experiences out here in Portland and I’m sure I’ve missed some awesome stuff. There is just too much awesomeness to fit into one blog post.

If you have additional tips or suggestions, please share them in the comments!

For more resources, visit Travel Portland. Happy travels!

Hey! I'm in Portland!

Hey gang! I thought I'd post an update about how things are going here in Portland. 

First of all, yes, it's pretty darn rainy here. Sometimes it will rain for 5 days straight, then it will be beautiful and sunny for the next 5 days. Then it will thunderstorm like crazy, dark skies covering the world, then after 15-minutes it will clear to reveal a beautiful blue sky. It's strange, but also kinda fun. It also means for some hella green EVERYTHING. 

My first Portland hike! I love that there are so many gorgeous trails within 15-45 minutes of town.

The biking around here is the shit. I am in awe of how easy they've made it to get around by bike, and the infrastructure is not only super easy to follow but also really safe. Drivers are very aware of cyclists, and there are so many bike lanes I want to puke out of happiness. 

Oh, and it's really stinkin' pretty everywhere too. 

My two bikes. By a park, and by the willamette river downtown! 

People here are so darn friendly! And I mean that as a complement, of course. Amber made the funny observation that if you're having a conversation with someone nearby any other people, they just assume they're also a part of it. I could see how it would be annoying to some, but I think it's charming. Maybe because I'm already kind of like that! 

Amber and me - together at last!

It has been wonderful to be reunited with my big sister, Amber. We realized that we live well together, if only because growing up in the same house caused us to have similar habits. I cook, she does the dishes. She makes tea, and is sure to leave enough hot water for me. We are honest about if we want to go out or stay in. We can talk easily about our days, our concerns, our feelings. It's a beautiful balance, and I think this transition has been much easier because of her presence.

We've also been working on our own business project, and it has been moving along much more smoothly than before. More on that to come!

My little home office!

Freelance life has been busy, busy, busy! I'm happy I didn't jump right in to another part-time gig at a coffee shop, as things miraculously picked up after I left Denver. Funny how that works, eh? It's been fun hopping from place to place to work on my projects remotely, as it's a great way to see different cafes around the city. 

And lastly, I miss my Denver friends and family very much! I think about you all often, and hope to see your faces in real life very soon. Big hugs from PDX!